Sponby Reloaded
by GigaBob
Summary: The Spoony One takes a new name as he travels throughout the multiverse, looking for the man who transformed him.
1. The Sponby Experiment

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: For an alternate version of this story with commentary, check out my blog. The link's in my profile.)

THE BEGINNING

"Uh, what the hell?"

Spoony awoke in a small, featureless room. The walls were ostensibly white, but the dim lighting colored the walls a dingy yellow. He had no memory of how or why he came to be in this room - the last thing he could recall was driving home after going for a late night Taco Bell run.

The single door opened, and a familiar figure stepped into the room.

"Ehehehehehehe!" Doctor Insano cackled. "It is time, Spoony!"

"What the fuck? Who are you?" Spoony asked.

"Oh, I thought you would recognize your old friend, Doctor Insano!" Insano said, sounding somewhat disappointed.

"What? No, you're not Dr. Insano. He's just a stupid character in my stupid reviews!" Spoony said. "Listen, I don't know if you're just a crazy fan or whatever, but I would suggest letting me go before I call the cops."

"So, you don't think I'm real, hmm?" Insano pondered. "Well, that will change soon enough. Come, Spoony: a new world of experimentation awaits!"

Two robots came into the room and restrained Spoony with cables. The robots dragged Spoony into a massive underground laboratory, and strapped him to an upright operating table.

The next few months were not fun for Spoony. Insano used him as a subject for the most depraved experiments imaginable: induced mutations, gene therapy, artificial and biological limb grafts, low-level psychic abilities...

By the end, Spoony barely qualified as human. A combination of life-support machines and a healing factor kept him alive, but only barely. Every second of his life was pain, and the only thing that kept him sane was one day knowing that he would escape and torture that son of a bitch.

SALVATION

His salvation came one day when he heard an explosion in the house above. Insano had built his secret lab under Spoony's house, so whoever was up there was probably destroying his place.

A familiar figure in a purdy hat climbed down the ladder from the house above into the lab below.

"Okay, Doctor Insano! What have you done with Spoony?" Linkara demanded.

"Ehehehehe! Spoony is my newest test subject! Look at how much I've improved him!" Insano said while pointing at the biomechanical monstrosity that Spoony had become.

"Oh my... Insano, you've crossed the line this time!" Linkara yelled. He drew his magic gun and the Seventh Doctor's sonic screwdriver. Insano directed his robot hordes at Linkara, but Linkara killed them all with ease.

"Ha! Not bad, Linkara! But there's more where that came from!" Insano got into his mecha suit with six arms and started firing away. Linkara deflected each shot with his sonic screwdriver.

"And I'm not dead just yet! White Zeo Ranger Power!" Linkara pulled out his zeonizer and transformed into the White Zeo Pimp. He placed the sonic screwdriver on his magic gun, combining the two weapons with his Zeo power: the resulting blast completely obliterated Insano's mech suit, though Insano himself was unharmed.

"Curses, foiled again!" Insano sweared. "Emergency temporal shift!" Insano pressed a button on his glasses and disappeared into the timestream.

ASCENSION

"Damn it!" Linkara cursed. He pressed a button on his Zeonizer. "Nimue! Start tracking Insano."

"AFFIRMATIVE." Nimue said.

"My... my god, Spoony. What happened to you?" Linkara ran to Spoony.

"hrrrrhgheffffhgkl" Spoony sputtered. His ability to talk had long since been removed by Insano; the not-so-good doctor had gotten tired of being snarked at.

"...Spoony." Linkara shook his head. "I'm sorry, Spoony. All I can do is put you out of your misery."

"ATTENTION." Nimue's voice echoed in the empty lab. "IT MAY BE POSSIBLE TO COMBINE YOUR INTERNET REVIEWER MORPHER WITH TECHNOLOGY FROM COMICRON-1 TO RETURN SPOONY TO A HUMANOID FORM."

"Really?" Linkara was elated. "But a combination like that would be extremely unstable. And we have no idea what Insano did to him..."

"BUT IT WOULD SURELY BE A BETTER FATE THAN LEAVING HIM LIKE THIS."

"gghfhffdgddr" Spoony gurgled in agreement.

"Yeah, I guess so. Okay, let's do it." Nimue beamed the morpher and one of the replicators from Comicron-1 down into Insano's lab. Fortunately, Insano's technology was plug-and-play; Linkara went to work, installing the replicator and morpher into Spoony's life-support machines. He wired a couple of generators to the mess for good measure.

"Well, here goes." Linkara said. "I've modified the morpher to work on thought command. Just think 'it's morphin' time' and that should provide the energy necessary."

Spoony thought 'it's morphin' time' and the morpher did its work; it surrounded Spoony in an aura of pure energy, fusing what remained of his body to the various machines giving his life. Flesh and metal fused together far more masterfully than any human could ever accomplish, becoming something else entirely.

REBIRTH

A minute later, Spoony emerged from the white cocoon, reborn. His body was still organic, and he looked exactly as he did before he had been kidnapped. But he felt far more powerful than before.

"Hey, how are you doing, Spoony?" Linkara asked.

"...I'm not Spoony anymore." he said. "I'm not Noah Antwiler either. I don't even think I'm human anymore. I'm..."

"Sponby?" Linkara suggested.

"What, what the fuck is that?" Sponby asked.

"I dunno, Phelan came up with it or something." Linkara shrugged.

"Whatever, I guess it works." Sponby said. "Thanks for rescuing me and all that, man."

"Any time." Linkara said. "Uh, sorry. I uh, kinda destroyed your house a bit. It's still standing and all that, but..."

"It's okay, I'll fix it." Sponby said. "By the way, what happened to Miles?"

"He..." Linkara looked uncomfortable. "He disappeared just after you did. Nobody knows what happened to him."

"...I see." Sponby bowed his head. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I need to be alone."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything." Linkara teleported away. Sponby sat alone in the ruins of Insano's lab. In just a few short months, his life had changed irrecovably. His body had been twisted, and then reborn into something... else, his house was mostly destroyed, his brother was missing, and he hadn't done a review in months. His fans were gonna be pissed.

NOOB QUEST

A month passed. Though Sponby's house was in ruins, Insano's lab was still mostly intact; Sponby had cleared out a part of the lab and made a small living area in it. Living in there brought back some painful memories for Sponby, but he had gotten used to it.

One night, while Sponby was editing a review, he heard something scurrying around the lab. He grabbed a flashlight and looked around the ruins, but he couldn't find anything. Still he heard scurrying; there was definitely more than one of them, whatever they were.

Sponby went back to editing, ignoring the scurrying sounds. If only he still had Oreo... he wasn't sure what had happened to his dog, either. Sponby had looked around the ruins of his place, but he couldn't even find her skeleton or anything; his best guess (and hope) was that she escaped before shit went down.

Sponby kept editing his review. He didn't have to sleep anymore, so he figured he might as well do something productive. He could still eat and drink, though he didn't have to.

Something brushed up against his leg. Sponby looked down, and saw a nasty-looking mutant rat staring back at him with lifeless eyes. It sunk its teeth into Sponby's leg, and he cried out in pain. Sponby swatted at it with his arm, but it dug its teeth deeper into his flesh.

"Argh, god damnit!" Spoony yelled. This activated his new ability: his body shifted into a viscous, inky-black fluid of some sort. The rat tried to escape from his body, but it was stuck. Eventually, it gave up and let itself become absorbed, disappearing completely. Sponby felt the rat's power added to his own.

More mutant rats approached him, growling. Sponby simply thought about getting rid of them, and to his surprise, tendrils of shadowy energy shot from his body and attacked the rats. Each tendril latched itself to a rat and dragged them into his body, and he absorbed them as well.

Sponby got enough experience to level up! He decided to take a level in Wizard, though he only got a single first-level spell slot. He meditated for eight hours, and decided to prepare Sleep.

DENNY'S

It was the middle of the night. Sponby was feeling hungry for some reason; it might be a psychosomatic thing, or maybe he was genuinely hungry. But he didn't have any actual food, so he decided to go to Denny's.

He went to Denny's, and he ordered a bacon and eggs. While waiting for his order, he noticed that the guy at the next table was the Prince of his failed Vampire: The Requiem LARP.

"Hey, you!" the Prince said. "You're that noob who ragequit my Vampire LARP that one time. And you're the Leaping Wizards guy too!"

"Yeah, I used to be a pretty big dumbass." Sponby said.

"You still are! I watch your videos, and they just keep getting worse. You suck, Spoony!" the Prince said.

"Okay, that's just unnecessary." Sponby said. "And the name's Sponby."

"I don't care who you are, you're gonna pay for being such a bitch!" The Prince tried to Dominate Sponby, but Sponby made his save. Sponby then casted Sleep, putting everyone in the Denny's to sleep for 3d4 turns. Sponby shifted to his shadow form again, and shot shadowy tendrils at all of the food in the restaurant; he absorbed all of it into himself, regaining his single spell slot. Sponby decided to prepare Charm Person.

Just before the Prince woke up, Sponby Charmed him.

"Ugh, sorry man." the Prince said. "I just feel asleep there for a minute."

"It's okay." Sponby said. "Now, you were going to apologize to me, right?"

"Yeah, sorry." the Prince said. "I was acting pretty immature. Let's let bygones be bygones, okay?"

"works for me. Sponby said. He shook the hand of the Prince, and, his hunger satiated, he left the Denny's.

SUPERSCIENCE

Sponby returned to his house. On the way there, he tried using his shadow powers in the dark; though he could create shadow tendrils, their range was limited. Sponby seemed to need some light to use his powers.

Once Sponby got back home, he wandered around Insano's lab. He found a few devices that were still in good shape; he used his shadow powers on one of them, absorbing them into his being. Sponby had no idea what that device was meant to do, but instinctively, he knew it was only stored away. Sponby reached into his black body and pulled out the device from hammerspace.

"This is so exploitable." Sponby remarked.

Sponby palsmaed at one of the walls, destroying it and revealing another part of the lab beyond it. More mutant rats jumped out at him, but he simply absorbed them into himself. Unfortunately, he still needed a lot of experience to reach second level.

Sponby explored the lost wing of Insano's lab, finding even more fantastical technology. Where the hell did he get all of this stuff? Did he make it himself? And how was he able to afford it all? Then again, maybe he sold some of his stuff to get more money for more science, which he would sell for more money...

In the back of the lab was a Stargate. Sponby pressed a button on a nearby panel, activating the Stargate - but it was different than usual. The event horizon was red instead of blue, and it was glassy and smooth. Beside it was a smooth white gun, which Sponby absorbed into himself; it was tied to this gate, and it would allow him to use it from anywhere. But where did this Stargate lead? Taking a chance, Sponby stepped through the red portal...

MACHINE GUN

Sponby appeared in a somewhat antiquated-looking small town. The people milling about suddenly had something to do, and they all ran back to their houses.

"What, where the hell is this?" Sponby wondered aloud. Actually, it looked vaguely familiar... Sponby was sure he'd seen this place before, but where?

As he was taking in his surroundings, a girly-looking dark-haired man strolled up to Sponby.

"Hey buddy, how's it going?" the man said.

"Who the hell are you?" Sponby asked.

"Name's Laguna. Laguna Loire." The man reached out to Sponby.

"Oh fuck no." Sponby realized where he was: Winhill, from the world of Final Fantasy VIII. Leave it to a mad scientist to invent a stargate that leads to worlds based on shitty video games.

"Sorry? You okay there, bud?" Laguna asked, somewhat confused.

"I'm going to stop this right here." Sponby shifted into his shadow form.

"Wait, what? You're some kinda monster!" Laguna grabbed his machine gun from nowhere and shot at Sponby, but the bullets had no effect. Desperate, he tried using his EX Burst to damage Sponby, but his body absorbed every blow, only increasing Sponby's power.

"My turn." Sponby cast another Sleep spell, but Laguna was curiously immune. So he tried attacking him with shadow tendrils, but a Protect spell deflected the attacks.

"Oh, the fairies!" Laguna said in surprise. "Okay buddy, you're going down now!" Laguna cast a Firaga spell, which actually did a bit of damage to Sponby.

"Wait, fairies?" Sponby wondered. 'Fortunately', his review of the game had made him intimately familiar with the game; he thought back, remembering that when the players took control of Laguna and friends, they would mention hearing 'fairies'. Which meant...

"You're tough! But I'm tougher!" Laguna shouted, throwing a grenade at Sponby; as usual, Sponby simply absorbed the blast.

"No, I'm going to stop this here and now! Fuck time paradoxes, you're dead Laguna!" Sponby yelled. He ran at Laguna; the Protect spell created an invisible barrier around Laguna, but Sponby's amorphous body surrounded the barrier, breaking it with ease. Before long, Laguna was no more.

GUARDIANS

Due to pime taradoxes and shit, Sponby was thrown into the 'present', where the main game takes place. Fortunately, he ended up right near Squall and his friends.

"Huh?" Squall said dully. "Who're you?"

"Wait, that's the guy that killed Laguna!" Selphie screeched. She drew her nunchaku and rushed Sponby, but he threw her aside.

"My beef is with you, Emo Git!" Sponby said, pointing at Squall.

"I don't know you." Squall said. He summoned Ifrit, scorching the entire area with unholy flame. Sponby was hurt slightly, but he regenerated the damage in no time.

Sponby fired several shadow tendrils at Squall; Squall managed to cut through a few with his gunblade, but he was overwhelmed in little time. Sponby absorbed not only Squall, but the magic and Guardian Forces junctioned to him.

"No, fuck Junctioning." Sponby said. Instead, he drew directly on the powers of the GFs themselves, firing huge bursts of multi-elemental magical energy and reducing the area to ash. Selphie and Quistis inexplicably survived, but they too were absorbed in short order.

Sponby reflected on his new powers. Sure, GFs and Junctioning were stupid concepts, but he couldn't complain about having access to magic and summons.

"You know... I can absorb new powers, and I have access to the entire multiverse." Sponby said aloud. "Fuck reviews! I'm gonna hunt down Insano and get my revenge!" Sponby created another portal and stepped into it.

VIRTUES

Sponby appeared in a castle somewhere.

"Who art thou?" the guard asked in butchered olde Englysh.

"I'm Sponby, motherfucker!" Sponby said as he roasted the guard to a crisp with a fire spell. And, not one to waste a good dead body, Sponby absorbed the dead guard.

"So, where the hell am I?" Sponby wondered. He looked around, but it just looked like a generic fantasy castle.

He wandered through it, killing guards along the way. None of them were a challenge, so he unfortunately didn't get any XP for it. But once he came upon the throne room, he realized where he was...

"I do not know who thou art, but would thou kindly GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CASTLE!" Lord British said, blasting Sponby with fire and lightning.

"Really, that's all you've got? You're the all-powerful Lord British?" Sponby snarked.

"Thou art a fool!" Lord British opened a gate to the Elemental Plane of Jesters, and an infinite number of exploding jesters poured out of the gate, all of them spouting bad jokes and riddles.

"Fucking Chuckles, you're all gonna die!" Sponby tried to close the gate with his magic, but it would stay open as long as Lord British was alive. The exploding jesters were taking a toll on the castle, but the nigh invulnerability of both combatants meant it was little more than a nuisance.

"Give it up, Sponby!" Lord British yelled. "Thou cannot defeat me! I have NPC invulnerability!"

"But I've got the one thing that can defeat NPC invulnerability: the Lord British Postulate!" Sponby said. He shaped parts of his body into a glass sword, a commemorative plaque and a loaf of poisoned bread, and threw all three objects at the king.

"No, my three weaknesses!" Lord British said as the glass sword shattered against his torso, the plaque hit him in the head and he involuntarily ate the loaf of bread. With Lord British's death, the gate closed, though the last of the exploding jesters reduced the castle to its foundations.

"Well, might as well put that body to good use." Sponby grabbed and absorbed Lord British's body, gaining his healing powers and nigh-invulnerability.

VIRTUES PART 2

The Avatar and his companions came across the ruins of Castle Britannia.

"My god, what's happened here?" the Avatar wondered.

"Something destroyed the entire castle!" Dupre stated.

"Thank you for that, Dupre." the Avatar snarked. "So where the hell is Lord British? My evil sword is telling me to kill him and set fire to his corpse."

"For the last time, Avatar, your sword is just a sword!" Iolo said. "It doesn't talk!"

"But it does! We put a demon into it!" the Avatar said. Shamino pulled Iolo aside.

"Listen, Iolo. We're almost done with destroying the Fellowship. Once we're done with that, we'll lock the Avatar up, but until then... let's just play along with his delusions." Shamino whispered.

"But-"

"Do you want me to restrict your rations to that blood bread again?" Shamino threatened.

"No, I'll be good." Iolo whimpered.

"SUDDENLY SPONBY, BITCHES!" Sponby lept from the rubble, firing spells of all sorts at the group. Shamino and Dupre died instantly, but Iolo barely survived; the Avatar, of course, was unharmed.

"What? Who the hell are you?" The Avatar pointed his evil sword at Sponby, firing a huge bolt of lightning. Sponby absorbed the bolt, redirected it and reduced Iolo to a smouldering corpse.

"This being has great power! He will be my new master!" the Black Sword said, floating over to Sponby. Sponby took the sword and absorbed it into him, killing the demon but keeping his power.

Sponby fired shadow tendrils at the Avatar, but a mysterious barrier of light protected him, burning the tendrils. Sponby hissed in pain.

"SPONBY. YOU WILL NOT HARM THIS BEING." The Avatar said in a voice obviously not his own. The Avatar retaliated by firing tendrils of light from his aura, burning several holes in Sponby's shadow form. Sponby, giving in to the pain, junctioned all of his GFs to himself, letting them absorb the Avatar's blows.

Sponby healed himself with Lord British's powers, while the Avatar wailed on him with light. Sponby tried casting Reflect and Shell on himself, but the Avatar pierced right through them. Sponby started playing with his powers; he junctioned the Black Sword's power directly to himself via the GFs, upgrading his shadow form by becoming part-demon as well.

But, unsurprisingly, becoming a part-demon part-shadow being only increased his vulnerability to the Avatar's light tendrils. He was taking so much damage that even Lord British's powers were insufficient.

Finally, Sponby gave up. He collapsed to the ground, returning to his base form. The Avatar stopped his assault.

"BE WARNED, SPONBY... I WILL ALWAYS BE WATCHING." The Avatar disappeared in a flash of light. Licking his wounds, Sponby opened another portal and returned home.

MECHA

Sponby had spent the last two months recovering from the Avatar's attacks. Even with Lord British's powers and Cure spells, Sponby's shadow form still hadn't fully recovered.

Not only that, but the attack made Sponby realize his weaknesses. Regular sunlight didn't seem to affect him, but light-based and positive-energy-based magic was a major weakness; not only that, but most of his abilities could be disabled by a basic anti-magic field or spell. He did have some non-magical trinkets, but if he was serious about finding and killing Insano, he needed to adapt.

Sponby cast a fireball at a random wall, unveiling another hidden wing of the lab. This one, however, was far different than anything he'd seen so far: unlike the other wings, which were places of experimentation, this was an armory.

Weapons of all shapes, sizes and effects lined the walls. But the most striking weapon of them all was in the back: a gigantic robotic head, twice as tall as a human, and presumably the head of an even bigger mecha.

"Neutro." Sponby said. Insano had built two versions of Neutro before; this must be Mark III. Its head alone had vulcan cannons, eye lasers, machine guns and RPGs; presumably, the rest of the robot was as well-equipped. If this thing was unleashed on the outside world...

The eyes of the massive mechanical man flashed red, and Sponby had to shift into his shadow form to absorb the wave of dakka headed toward him. Neutro took a step forward, shaking the entire lab and knocking most of the guns off their shelves.

Sponby fired a bunch of spells at Neutro, but all of them dissipated just before hitting it.

"Anti-magic field generator. Damn it." Sponby's shadow body absorbed another wave of missiles and lasers. Then again, if Insano was planning on using it to fight Linkara, installing an anti-magic field was quite clever of him. Sponby grabbed several of the weapons on the floor, firing them at Neutro in rapid succession, but none of them seemed to have an effect either.

Neutro's massive arm ripped through the floor of the lab, grabbing Sponby in its iron grip. Three more arms decimated the rest of the lab, and Neutro itself rose to the surface.

A panel on Neutro's chest opened. Sponby tried to squeeze out of Neutro's hand, but the anti-magic field disabled most of the properties of his shadow form, including the amorphousness. Neutro threw Spoony into the compartment in his chest, and the panel closed tightly.

GATTAI

Neutro generated an even stronger anti-magic field within the compartment, causing Sponby pain just by staying in his shadow form; as soon as he shifted back to his normal form, thirty or more needles pierced several parts of his body.

"Fuck!" Sponby yelled. The anti-magic field disappeared, and Sponby shifted back to his shadow form; unfortunately, the needles were still stuck in his body, draining his energy to fuel Neutro. Did Insano design this on purpose? Was converting Sponby to a shadow being his plan all along? Or is it just a coincidence?

It didn't matter. With some effort, Sponby absorbed the needles, reversing the energy flow. With a sudden influx of energy, Sponby's body expanded to fill the compartment, eventually spreading to the rest of Neutro and absorbing the robot completely.

A few minutes later, Sponby returned to his normal size and form. Neutro was gone, completely absorbed into him. He felt the titanic being dwelling within him, only a few seconds away from being recalled at any time. Not only that, but Sponby could junction any of Neutro's weapons to himself, calling them up in an instant. They would serve as an effective weapon against any being immune to magic.

But even Neutro was still tied to his shadow form, which could still be disabled by an anti-magic field. Sponby still needed to find a way around that, either by becoming immune, or simply by integrating them into his normal form. Or both, preferably. It was time to head back out into the wide, wide multiverse, and search for even more power.

COURAGE

Sponby appeared in an industrial-looking area. He couldn't control where his portals ended up, but he was pretty sure he'd be able to some day. Until then, he just had to take whatever he got.

Almost immediately, he realized where he was: Japan. How did he realize this? Well, the two giant robots fighting each other was a good indicator. One of them was black, and had a lion motif; the other was about twice the size, and it looked somewhat organic.

The lion robot wasn't doing very well; it was missing a wing and most of its helmet. The bigger robot fired a red laser at the lion robot.

"PROTECT SHADE!" The lion robot raised its left arm, creating an energy barrier that deflected the laser back at the bigger robot. But it just shrugged it off.

Sponby wasn't sure why these robots were fighting, but he wanted in. He shifted to his shadow form, and in barely a few seconds, he had taken on the size, shape and weaponry of Neutro . But he was still in his shadow form, as it offered more defense than any metal could ever hope to provide.

Sponby fired an impressive array of missiles, lasers, grenades and spells at the bigger robot; most of the attacks were deflected, and the ones that did do actual damage were negated by the robot's healing factor.

"Shit, is that thing another Primeval?" Sponby heard a transmission from the lion robot. Oddly enough, Sponby understood it perfectly while still knowing it was spoken in Japanese. Neutro must have a universal translator aboard.

"What the hell is a Primeval?" Sponby asked.

"That!" The lion robot fired its forearm at the bigger robot, though it once again had no effect. Sponby ran toward the bigger robot and fired a number of shadow tendrils, but the 'Primeval' responded with a number of wire-like organic tentacles, intercepting every one of Sponby's tendrils.

"Thanks for the distraction! Come on, Goldy!" The lion robot jumped into the air, returning a few seconds later with a gigantic golden hammer. With a mighty shout of "GOLDION HAMMER!", the lion robot dropped the hammer on the Primeval, converting all but a glowing pinkish-purple core into light.

Without even thinking, Sponby absorbed the core. He could feel its consciousness struggling within him; unlike everything else he had absorbed thus far, this thing too could absorb things, and it was trying to take Sponby as its new vessel. Sponby placed several spells on it, lessening its influence, but it wouldn't give up so easily.

USURPATION

But unfortunately, the Primeval core managed to resist some of Sponby's spells, taking control of his body. Sponby managed to split himself off from the main body, though the Primeval took all of his abilities.

"What did you do!" the lion robot, or more accurately its pilot, exclaimed. "You've just made it stronger!"

"How the hell was I supposed to know?" Sponby shouted back. "You should've told me not to do that!"

"Whatever. Ready for another strike, Goldy?"

"You betcha!" The hammer wriggled in the lion robot's grip. They struck the Primeval again, but it generated an extremely powerful barrier, deflecting the hammer blow. The lion robot staggered back.

"As usual, GaoGaiGar isn't up to the task." A gigantic white robot, about twice the size of the lion robot, appeared out of nowhere. "Allow me to take care of this."

"King J-Der!" the lion robot yelled. "I can handle this! Get out of the way!"

"Back off." The white robot fired a bunch of lasers at the lion robot, taking out its left arm and left leg. The white robot then turned to the Primeval, which was slowly getting bigger and bigger, and fired more lasers at it, but it just shrugged them off.

Sponby wasn't going to stand by in this. The lion robot was damaged, but Sponby still had his absorption powers... He ran to the disabled robot and attached himself to it, beginning the absorption process.

"Hey, what are you doing?" the pilot of the lion robot said.

"Get that thing off of us!" a second voice, coming from the hammer, said. A third voice, sounding like a lion's roar, agreed with them.

"Fuck that, Imma make you my bitches!" Sponby said as his body fully absorbed GaoGaiGar, Goldymarg and Guy himself. Sponby shifted his mass around, making a slightly smaller but fully-repaired Shadow GaoGaiGar.

DESIRE

Sponby quickly realized that the power source behind these mecha far surpassed what he expected. The GS-Ride, and the G-Stones that powered it, could generate tons of energy in a ridiculously short amout of time; the mechas were limited due to using such cumbersome bodies, but Sponby was far more efficient.

Sponby got to work with his new powers. He grew to twice the size of the white robot, dwarfing even the Primeval. He fired multiple Broken Magnums at the Primeval, but it only absorbed them, adding to its mass.

Plan B, then. Sponby recreated a scaled-up Goldion Hammer, funneling vast amounts of G-Stone energy into it. The G-Stones were slightly anathemic to Sponby's shadow form, but he could bear it: unfortunately, the Primeval could too, absorbing the energy and growing even more. The Primeval wasn't even bothering attacking anymore; it knew it could just take Sponby's attacks and gain energy from them.

"Hey you! White guy. Got any ideas?" Sponby asked.

"You damn fool. You've doomed us all!" Soldat-J, the pilot of the white robot King J-Der, replied. "This Primeval has outstripped even my power!"

"Then you won't mind if I borrow yours for a bit!" Sponby's tendrils shot out at King J-Der, absorbing it into himself. And then, a curious reaction occurred; the J-Jewel, the power source of King J-Der, and the G-Stone, the power source of GaoGaiGar, unleashed their respective hyper modes, increasing Sponby's power exponentially.

Not only that, but one of the passengers onboard King J-Der was specially designed to counteract the Primevals; among other powers, he could purify their cores, removing their personalities.

"Alright, let's start combining powers! Goldion J-Quath, bitches!" Sponby fired a huge burst of energy, in the shape of a golden phoenix; the Primeval absorbed some of it, but the rest burned away over half of its body. Before it could begin to regenerate...

"J-Hell and Heaven!" Sponby clasped his hands together; wings of flame erupted from Sponby's back, and a cyclone of green electromagnetic energy immobilized the Primeval. Propelled by pure energy, Sponby flew at the Primeval, ripping out its core and reabsorbing his body. He used one of his many new powers to purify the Primeval core, absorbing the pure Z-Crystal and gaining its power too.

Well, that was fruitful. Sponby returned to his normal size and activated the portal device again, stepping into another world.

GIANT ROBOT FIGHT

"Dad! Dad! There's an army of giant robots headed this way!" a kid decked out in armor said to his father.

"Do not worry, Son! I've built a giant robot of my own for just such an occasion!" the father said.

"But you're a tiger. How did you build a robot without opposable thumbs?"

"Don't worry about that! Come, let us go!" The son, named Son, and his father, named Dad, descended to the basement of their small house. But unbeknownst to Son, deep within the earth lied a great and terrible weapon: the super robot Daikaijin XX! Not only was its body made of Daikaite, the strongest alloy known to man, but its weapons could devastate the planet if left unchecked! It could take on armies of gods, and win! Because it was the great Daikaijin XX

"God, that narrator is hammy." Son said. Well, excuse me, princess!

Daikaijin began its bloody war by killing an entire squadron of Daleks. Their Exterminatus beams were no match for the mighty Daikaijin's Daikaite armor!

"Hahaha, not bad! But you are still men within that suit!" A time-space portal opened, and Megatron stepped out.

"Megatron!" Dad exclaimed. "Him and his Decepticons were the ones who turned me into a tiger."

"What? Why would we do that?" Megatron wondered. "Must have been an AU version of me. Regardless! I have been honoured with new powers from my great master. Behold! I am no longer mere Megatron!"

"Galvatron?" Son said.

"No! I am... Disco Megatron!" The battlefield transformed into a giant dance floor, complete with disco music in the background. Disco Megatron himself started flashing multiple colors.

"You may be the Lord of Disco, but we are the Ultimate Robot Daikaijin XX!" Daikaijin shifted into its Super Mode, gaining a healthy gold glow. Son engaged Disco Megatron in melee combat, while Dad started flinging spells from on top of Daikaijin's head.

SUDDENLY, SPONBY

"Curses! You may have defeated me for now, but I will return stronger!" Disco Megatron opened another portal and slipped through it. But the portal stayed open, and Sponby stepped through it.

Sponby surveyed his surroundings; there were hundreds of crushed Daleks on a giant dance floor for some reason. A shoddy-looking mecha was standing in the middle of the floor, and there was a tiger standing atop it.

"Am I high?" Sponby wondered.

"You! Who are you?" the tiger shouted. But before further inqueries could be made, every single Power Ranger and all of their Megazords all came out of nowhere lightning fast and swarmed the mighty Daikaijin Z.

"Not to worry, we can handle this!" Son and Dad went to work, but they were quickly overwhelmed.

"Pah! Losers." Sponby transformed into his giant shadow form, an amalgamation of Neutro, GaoGaiGar, King J-Der, Optimus Prime and the Shining Gundam (he'd made some other stops on the way). He utterly dwarfed the remaining Megazords, even the really big ones.

All of the Megazords started charging up their finishing moves, but Sponby destroyed them in a single attack. He absorbed the remains, as well as the remaining Rangers, giving him even more power to draw from. It wasn't much, compared to his already considerable abilities, but every bit helped.

WHAT THE...

"Who are you?" Dad asked again.

"I am Sponby." Sponby said because his name was Sponby.

"Well, there's more giant robots on the way. Wanna help us fight them?" Dad asked.

"Really? 'Help'? Maybe more like 'do everything for us because we suck'." Sponby laughed. "Just sit back and let Uncle Sponby take care of everything."

"No way! Don't you know what this is? This is the invincible Daikaijin XD!" Son boasted.

"Yeah, whatever." Sponby flicked Daikaijin away with no effort. It wasn't even worth absorbing.

CLOBBERING TIME

Sponby took care of the rest of the robots with ease; none of them were much of a threat.

...Until Disco Megatron reappeared.

"Seriously? Disco Megatron? What a pansy." Sponby said.

"You won't be laughing once I'm done with you!" Disco Megatron used his Disco Attack, which involved blasting "Stayin' Alive" at 500 decibels. The sonic attack demolished most of the countryside, but Sponby covered his ears, shielding him from the attack.

Disco Megatron then transformed intop his altmode, a psychedelic gazebo. For the first time in his new career, Sponby was slightly afraid; being an avid tabletop player, he knew firsthand the dangers of the gazebo.

Sponby used his own transformation powers to shift into an even deadlier form: Pun-Pun, the 1st-level kobold with divine powers. Unfortunately, even with all of his power, he could only maintain the Pun-Pun form for a few seconds; but he made good use of that time, shifting and locking Disco Megatron into his humanoid form. Spon-Pun then put on his robe and wizard hat, amplifying his magical power enough to cast a wide-range Ultima Disintegration Ray, destroying most of Disco Megatron's body.

"No! I will not be defeated by you! Master, I call upon you!" Disco Megatron's body faded into the void, replaced with an omunous black sky. A massive red figure descended from the sky.

"BEHOLD AND DESPAIR, MORTAL! I AM EXODUS, GOD OF EVIL!" the demon announced.

EXODUS

"Really? Exodus? Hahahaha!" Sponby said, shifting back into his normal form. "Hold on a minute, let me get my magical punchcards."

"I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED SO EASILY THIS TIME!" Exodus said. He raised his arm, summoning deadly floors and grass. Sponby created a powerful Protect spell around himself, though this was only a temporary solution; the grass would break it soon.

"Well, let's see. I've got plenty of power sources in me; let's see what happens when I combine them all? I just hope my body can take it." And so, Sponby started combining powers: GFs, the Black Sword, Lord British's healing and durability magic, Insano's tech, the GS-Ride and Jewel Generator systems and the power sources of the other robots he absorbed, all of the Ranger powers and the Millenium Items that he picked up in a weird world where card games determined the fate of the world.

By doing so, Sponby reached a level of power that qualified him as a Type II Kardashev civilization - that is, having a level of power roughly equivalent to the Sun's output over its lifetime. Cosmically-speaking, it wasn't a whole lot, but it was certainly more powerful than Exodus.

"WHAT IS THIS? HOW COuLD A MORTAL BEING HAVE SO MUCH POWER!" Exodus said in fear.

"Ha! I've become far more than a mortal being!" Mega Sponby boasted. The amount of energy surging within his body annihilated all of the grass and floors in the area. "I'm Sponby, and I'm the most powerful reviewer in the universe! Screw you Linkara, I'm top dog now!"

"HA! LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO TO ME, REVIEWER!" Exodus said. He created a powerful shield of darkness around himself. "MY DEFENSE IS PERFECT! YOUR MEAGER POWER CANNOT HOPE TO SCRATCH IT!"

"Right, right. Well, I've learned a few tricks too. And I've come up with a technique of my own for once! SWAT TECHNIQUE LEVEL 1: STELLAR FLASHBANG!"

Sponby unleashed all of his power in a single burst, not only piercing Exodus' shield but doing massive damage to his weak point as well. Naturally, Sponby blinded himself with the burst, but he managed to absorb most of the backlash back into his body, only taking minor damage.

A few minutes later (once Sponby's vision returned), Sponby walked over to the remains of Exodus. It was still alive, though barely.

"Ha ha ha..." Exodus laughed. "You fool. You think you're powerful. But there are beings so powerful that they dwarf most gods... and many of them know of you!"

"Really? I'm flattered." Sponby said.

"Fool! My masters only let you live because it amuses them! BUt be warned, grow too powerful, and they will eliminate you without any effort!"

"Yeah, I doubt that. And stop calling me a fool."

"...You're standing in my spot, worm." Exodus spat at Sponby's feet.

"Oh that is IT!" Sponby absorbed the remains of Exodus' body. He had to invoke Arma's power to subdue Exodus' personality, but it was defiant to the end, calling Sponby a number of names that English doesn't have equivalents for. But, like the rest of his powers, Exodus' power was added to Sponby's own, and any last traces of its personality were thrown to the ether.


	2. Aliens, Cowboys and Bugs, Oh My!

SETTLER

Unfortunately, even though he wasn't injured by his own attack, Sponby was still pretty weak. The battle had pretty much destroyed everything on this planet, and his home had been pretty much wrecked by Neutro. Sponby activated his portal device and stepped into it, hoping to appear in a place where he could recuperate.

Sponby appeared on a dark purple landmass of some sort. Almost immediately, a pack of large insect-like creatures attacked him. Sponby absorbed them all, using them to restore some of his energy.

Sponby expanded his shadow form, taking the form of a basic house. Once it was fully formed, Sponby seperated himself from the house, which solidified into metal. It was basic, but it would do. Sponby wasn't sure how he knew he could form houses of his shadow form, but hey, it worked.

For the first time in over a year, Sponby slept. His scent attracted more insects, but none of them were able to get into his house. Sponby slept soundly... until one particular insect ripped the door off of the house.

"Huh? What the-" Sponby said as a cockroach-like being stood above him. He was taller than the other members of his species, his exoskeleton had a lustrous shine, and he was wearing an ornate crown and red cape.

"So, you are the legendary Sponby! Allow me to greet you. I am Damocles, King of the Equinox." The insect king bowed to Sponby.

"Okay, is this a dream or hallucination or something?" Sponby wondered.

"No. We are the Equinox, the species native to this world. Your defeat of the Exodus that supressed us has allowed us to grow, and we have you to thank for that." Damocles snapped his fingers, and three insects wielding swords ran forward and bowed in front of Sponby.

"Seriously man, this is fucking weird." Sponby said.

"Yes, I understand. You must be extremely tired. Allow my royal guards to protect you from the barbarian tribes as you recuperate."

"Well, you're a king, don't you have a palace or something?"

"I am afraid not. The barbarian attacks are constant, and we are unable to settle down and build dwellings for ourselves." Despite not having anything remotely looking like a human shape, Sponby could tell that Damocles was sad.

"Well that sucks. Let me guess, once I've recovered, you want me to kill all of the barbarians, right?"

"Oh!" Damocles looked surprised. "No, I would not wish unjust death upon my brethren. But if you would be willing to protect us for a short time, we would be eternally grateful." Damocles himself bowed to Sponby.

A tribe of loyal insect people? That might come in handy some day.

"Okay, sure." Sponby said. "Just let me sleep this off."

"Yes, of course. We will protect you with our lives." The rest of the insects left Sponby's house; all together, there was probably only about 100 of them. Damocles drew a scepter from a gash in his body, waved it around and created a barrier around Sponby's house, while the other insects set up a simple camp around the house.

BARBARIAN

Some time later, Sponby woke up. He felt much better, though still not at full power. But if those barbarians were all as weak as the ones he absorbed, it shouldn't be a problem to defend Damocles and his ilk for a few weeks or whatever.

"Ah, Great-Lord Sponby!" Damocles said. "How do you feel?"

"Pretty good." Sponby said. Great-Lord? Now that was a title. "So, do you have a place picked out for your castle or something?"

"There is a hill to the northeast of here, controlled by barbarians. We wish to make our castle there."

"Can do. Let's go." Sponby got up and reabsorbed his house. The rest of the insects cheered as he and Damocles led the charge to Fevrier Hill.

Almost immediately, they were set upon by a group of barbarians. Unlike the predominately red and gold colouring of Damocles' people, these barbarians were green with blue and cyan highlights. Sponby shifted into his shadow form, but Damocles stopped him.

"Please, Great-Lord Sponby! Allow me to try and reason with them." Damocles stepped up to the leader of the barbarians, who was bigger than the rest.

"Ah, the so-called 'King' Damocles." the barbarian leader mocked. "No kingdom, and barely a hundred Equinoxes as subjects."

"I am working on building my kingdom. If you lead me pass now, I will reward you by allowing you to settle within my borders."

"Hah!" The barbarian leader spat some sort of acid at Damocles' feet. "An empty promise. I will take your crown and become the true King!"

"No, you will not." Damocles' royal guards stepped up, but Sponby absorbed half of them in one shot.

"What? What abberation is that?" the barbarian asked. The rest of his warriors either backed away, or simply ran.

"This is the Great-Lord Sponby that freed us!" Damocles boasted.

"What? The legendary Sponby would team with such a weak force. Then he does not deserve his title!" The barbarian charged at Damocles, but Sponby absorbed him.

"...King Damocles! All hail the King of the Equinox!" The rest of the barbarians bowed to Sponby and Damocles.

"Thank you, my brothers. We will all work for a better future!" The insects all cheered.

DIASPORA

"So what's with the different colours?" Sponby asked as they marched toward Fevrier Hill.

"It is not unlike your uniforms." one of the former barbarians said. "We wear the colours of our leaders to show alleigance." Before his eyes, the green-and-blue barbarians all switched their colours to match the rest of Damocles' subjects, though they kept the cyan highlights at some points.

"Long in the past, all Equinoxes were of one colour." Damocles said. "But the coming of the Exodus split us into many warring factions. Leaders rose up among them, and their subjects took their colours."

"Well that sounds vaguely racist." Sponby said.

"Our values and virtues are different than yours." Damocles said.

"Whatever. So did you just decide to name yourself King of the whatevers?"

"Yes. With the end of the Exodus' reign, we had the opportunity to reunite our peoples. I will admit that my King title is self-appointed, but everyone has chosen to call me by that title."

"King Damocles!" A scout ran up to the King. "Sir, we have just spotted a massive force seated upon Fevrier Hill!"

"I see. Prepare for battle!" The insects all cheered as they all drew weapons, even the common folk.

"You know, I could just go ahead and kill them all." Sponby suggested.

"Yes, but it is important to my people that they are directly involved in the battle." Damocles said. "And, if it is not too presumptuous, could I possibly ask that you hold back until my people are in need of help?"

"Sure, I guess."

BATTLE

The forces of King Damocles charged up Fevrier Hill, facing heavy resistance all the way. But King Damocles' kingly magic protected and powered-up his people, making them almost unstoppable.

But the leader of the barbarians, named Diomedes, had tricks up his sleeve as well. His own kingly power weakened Damocles', while his presence swayed some of the more weak-willed Equinoxes to his side.

That's where Sponby stepped in. He created a sword from his shadow form and engaged Diomedes in direct combat.

"Not shabby!" Diomedes said. "You truly are the legendary Sponby. But I am no mere tool of the God! My will is my own, and I cannot be defeated!"

"Yeah, you can." Sponby's sword turned into a chainsaw, which he used to cut Diomedes in half. Upon his death, the barbarians immediately swayed to King Damocles' side, ending the battle.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Castle Fevrier was complete. It had only taken three weeks to build; the Equinoxes secreted a substance that was harder than steel when dry, which they used to construct a magnificent castle.

"So, you are going?" King Damocles asked. Though only a few barbarian tribes had attacked in the intervening weeks, Sponby's presence and reputation had demoralized and driven away all but one of them; the one tribe that was foolish enough to attack were quickly defeated.

"Yes. I have to find someone." Sponby said.

"I see. Well, you are always welcome here; we have built a room for you, and it will always be open."

"Thanks." Sponby pulled out his portal device and set his "home" button to open here. Then he opened a portal, but before he could once again wander the multiverse, another being stepped through it: the Avatar.

"What? You!" Sponby shouted.

"We meet again, Sponby. I am the Avatar." The Avatar drew his sword and shield.

"No, you're not. You're being possessed by something, I can see it. So, why don't you just give up the facade and show me what you really are?"

"So you have grown powerful enough to see through my glamour. Very well, I will show you what I truly am."

The Avatar shifted into a form reminiscent of Sponby's own shadow form, but instead of Sponby's inky blackness, this being was made of dazzling light. Sponby recognized it as the same as the aura that had surrounded the Avatar when they fought before.

"My name is Spoont." the being said. "You are my shadow, my dark counterpart."

SPOONT

"Oh, of course you're an alternate version of me." Sponby said. "Let me guess, you're powered by light and love and kittens and all that good stuff."

"Correct." Spoont said. "Professor Madeness took me, a dying soldier, and transformed me into a beacon against the darkness of my world. Though she died against that same darkness, I persevered, eventually ridding my world of darkness and returning it to the light. Since then, I've wandered the multiverse, liberating worlds that need a hero..."

"Thanks for the exposition." Sponby said.

"I've been watching you ever since we met in Britannia. You're growing more and more powerful... too powerful. I'm here to eliminate you before you become a threat to the multiverse."

"Well, someone read the Evil Overlord List."

"Yes, your snarkiness is present as usual. Now, you have two choices: I can remove your powers and you can go back to your normal life, or I can reduce you to quantum strings right here and now."

"Ha! Go ahead and try." Sponby started to power up, but to his surprise, Spoont was doing the same; his power sources were different, but he too had absorbed people and artifacts from throughout the multiverse.

Sponby started off by firing a Broken Magnum, but Spoont's light tendrils shot it down. Sponby raised a barrier, deflecting Spoont's tendrils, but Spoont broke the barrier with a burst of energy.

Sponby engaged the GS-Ride and Jewel Generator, kicking him into overdrive; he outspeeded Spoont, assaulting him from all sides with all sorts of melee weapons. As he suspected, Spoont was weak to Sponby's darkness abilities, just as Sponby was weak to Spoont's light. Now that they were more evenly matched, he could use that to his advantage.

But Spoont wasn't finished powering up either. With a flash of orange light, he started running circles around Sponby, firing missiles and lasers and the like at Sponby. Sponby responded by shooting shadow tendrils at Spoont, who countered with light tendrils; the two tendrils burned each other, but neither of them gave up.

"Ha! I'll show you who's more powerful." King Damocles, witnessing the epic battle in his throne room, decided to step in. He used his kingly magic to give a huge power boost to Sponby, though it was barely enough to match Spoont.

"Got any more power?" Sponby asked.

"There is another option. I know a special technique that should match well with your own natural abilities..." Damocles grabbed his scepter, chanted words in an alien language and transformed into pure energy.

The former Damocles entered Sponby's body, and a miraculous transformation took place: Sponby transformed into a giant dark dragon, which ate Spoont whole. Spoont unleashed all of his light power within Sponby's stomach, but Sponby's more considerable dark power neutralized all of it. Sponby then finished with...

"I HEARD THAT TECHNIQUE LEVEL 2: PHANTASMAGORIC BREATH!" Sponby threw up the weakened Spoont, then blasted him with a burst of multicoloured energy breath. The sheer power of the breath ripped a hole in Castle Fevrier's roof, and sending whatever remained of Spoont into the atmosphere.

Damocles seperated from Sponby's body, returning Sponby to his normal human form. That breath technique, while not as strong as the Stellar Flashbang, still took a lot out of him.

"Thanks." Sponby said.

"Of course!" Damocles said. "But I have to warn you, don't rely on me being able to use that technique again. I can only perform it once in a lifetime."

"Yeah, okay."

"Do you think that that... Spoont character will return?"

"Knowing his type... probably." Sponby said. "I killed him dead, but I've seen resurrections from less."

"I see. I wish you luck in your journey, Sponby."

Sponby opened another portal and stepped through it.

GUNSMOKE

Sponby woke up in a dusty desert. A man on a horse rode past him.

"Hey, stranger. Need a lift?" he asked.

"Yeah." Sponby climbed onto the horse.

"So what're you doing all the way out here, stranger?"

"Long story." Sponby said. "Where are we headed?"

"Goldstown. Little mining settlement. They'll be able to fix you up."

They rode for about two hours. The cowboy's name was Jeff Bridges, but despite some amateur theatre work in his youth, he wasn't an actor. Sponby wasn't sure if he was on Earth or not, though he knew that, despite what he'd seen in countless sci-fi movies, the evolution of identical beings with identical languages on different planets was extremely unlikely.

Hell, he wasn't even sure if Jeff was speaking English or not; his universal translator seemed to be permanently on regardless of his form, and he couldn't tell if he was speaking a different language or not. Not that he minded, but he'd definitely have to research this later on.

"Okay, we're here." Jeff and Sponby dismounted from the horse (it had no name), and entered the small town of Goldstown. It was built almost right next to a mountain, and several well-used mine entrances were carved into the mountain face. Sponby wasn't sure if that was such a good idea, but whatever.

"You've gotta be thirsty. Come on, we'll hit up the tavern for a drink." Jeff and Sponby walked into the tavern. Sponby didn't have any money on him, but he figured he could put it on Jeff's tab and pay him back later.

"Hey there, burly folks. How're you doing today?" the bartender asked. The tavern looked pretty shady; everyone was quietly playing games of chance and smoking up a storm.

"Not bad. Get me and my friend the strongest swill you got." Jeff said, slapping a small gold nugget on the counter.

"Aye, here you go." The bartender gave them two beers. Sponby took a sip and almost spit it out; it was warm. But then again, why was he expecting a cold beer? Refrigerators hadn't been invented yet.

"Not bad, mate." Jeff said, draining the last of his beer. "Gimme another one!"

"Aye." Sponby sipped his beer thoughtfully. This was... really odd, to say the least.

BARLW

One of the rough cowboys, along with a wench, got up and walked over to them.

"Haven't seen your faces before. You two queer?" he asked with the tact expected of a cowboy.

"And if we are?" Jeff asked.

"Dude, I'm totally not." Sponby said.

"Oh really?" the wench said. "Look at 'im! He's scrawny and white! He's probably one of those city folk who spends all their time readin and gettin screwed in the backside!"

"I AM NOT GAY!" Sponby leapt up and socked the wench in the face. "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but I'm not about to put up with your shit!"

"Ey, you hit my sister!" The cowboy grabbed a chair and bashed it over Sponby's head.

"Bitch please!" Sponby grabbed the cowboy and piledriver'd him, knocking him out. This riled up the rest of the cowboys, starting an all-out barroom blitz.

Sponby and Jeff quietly escaped the chaos.

"Damn, I didn't even get to finish my beer." Jeff looked a bit disappointed.

"Uh, sorry. I didn't expect that to happen."

"S'alright. I've been involved in plenty of brawls in my time." Jeff flipped up his eyepatch, and Sponby stared into the empty eye socket. "Lost my eye to a bastard in Jules. Course, I killed him right after and tried putting one of his eyes in here, but it didn't work."

"No kidding. So, what now?"

"Well, I came here to get some more gold. I make a pretty tidy profit findin gold in exhausted mines. Wanna come with?"

"Sure."

CREEP

Jeff stole some pickaxes and torches from the local goods-n-trades shop, and he and Sponby descended into the dark mines. He lit a torch, but seemingly only for Sponby's benefit; he could navigate through the darkness just as easily as in the light.

Sponby knew that his shadow form was all but useless in the dark, though he had plenty of other weapons, and it's not like he expected to meet any monsters down here. Then again...

"Ssssssss~"

Of course, he just jinxed it. Sponby held up his torch, coming face to face with a green monster with a hideous face.

"GET DOWN!" Jeff and Sponby hit the dirt, and the green creature exploded, leaving a crater in the rock. Fortunately, Sponby wasn't hurt too badly: unfortunately, Jeff was close to death.

"Damn it!" Sponby cursed. He tried picking up Jeff, but he spat blood all over his body as soon as Sponby kneeled down.

"Ah... sorry, Sponby. I wish... we could... have been friends..." Jeff passed on to that great Game Over screen in the sky.

Oddly, the mineshaft was illuminated. Sponby looked down the crater and saw a wooden treasure chest, protected by a cage of some sort; as soon as Sponby looked at it, zombies started magically spawning around the cage.

"Wonderful. I don't even fucking like Minecraft." Sponby complained. He threw a lit torch into the hole, burning the zombies; he followed shortly after, destroying the cage with a photon-power beam.

DUH NUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUH DA NA NA NA DA NA NA NA DA NA NA NA DA NA NA NA ...

You got a golden apple, three strings, some cocoa beans, a bushel of wheat and three smelted bars of iron!

"What? Whatever, this shit is useless." But he absorbed it anyways. He absorbed the chest, too, as well as the last flaming zombie.

Sponby leapt out of the dungeon and returned to the entrance of the mine... where an angry mob was waiting.

ANGRY MOB

"He's the one!" one of them cried.

"Yeah, he's the one that hit me!" the wench from before said. Rather than torches and pitchforks, this mob was mostly equipped with guns. Sponby considered running back into the mines, but then he realized that he was pretty much invincible.

"Your weapons can't harm me. Just let me go and I won't bug you again." Sponby shouted.

"Shoot him!" They all shot him, and just as he suspected, the bullets had no effect.

"He's a witch! Kill him!" The mob charged him. He leapt over them and kept running; he didn't particularly want to open a portal and have these fools follow him through it. The mob chased after him, but the ground started to shake; cracks formed all across the mountain, and a gigantic Creeper burst from the mountain. Immediately, it exploded, scattering the pieces of the mountain across a huge area.

GIGA CREEPER

Sponby survived, naturally, though he had to slip through cracks in several layers of rocks. The Giga Creeper still stood, preparing another explosion.

Sponby whipped out a BFG and fired a plasma shot at the Creeper, ripping a hole in it. Its hiss deafened him, and it exploded again, scattering more debris and sending Sponby flying.

Sponby got up again, healing himself. He ran towards the Giga Creeper, but his approach was blocked by more regular-sized Creepers. Sponby grabbed them with shadow tendrils and whipped them at the Giga Creeper, but most of its spawn exploded in midair, dealing little damage.

Sponby fired another BFG shot, but he missed. The Giga Creeper exploded again, but Sponby shielded himself this time, negating the brunt of the boom. Sponby fired several tendrils at the Giga Creeper, latching on to it and pulling himself toward it; but several smaller-than-average Creepers appeared from the Giga Creeper's skin and started destroying the tendrils.

To compensate, Sponby fired even more tendrils, only to be greeted by even more small Creepers. The Giga Creeper exploded once again, knocking Sponby to the ground and stunning him.

Okay, so this approach isn't working. Sponby needed to be... bigger. He transformed into his Mecha Sponby form, taking traits from the many giant robots he'd absorbed. The Creeper kaiju started spitting blocks of TNT at Sponby, which detonated on impact; the sheer amount of explosions did damage Sponby a bit.

"Hell! And! Heaven!" Sponby clasped his fists together, creating a tunnel of electromagnetic energy around both of them; the Giga Creeper struggled, but it was stuck. Sponby flew at the Giga Creeper, ripping out or outright disintegrating several of its explosive sacs; but, since it was big, it had a lot more than that.

The Giga Creeper tried to explode again, but the EM energy was still screwing it up. Sponby raised his arms and hit the Giga Creeper with a Breast Fire (snicker), killing it for good. Sponby absorbed the remains, gaining its explosive powers.

Well, this world was done. Sponby somehow knew that there's more of those things out there, just waiting to rise up and destroy everything... too bad for them. Sponby returned to normal size and opened a portal, heading into parts unknown.

"See ya later, Jeff Bridges."

WISHES

Sponby sat perfectly still on a flat, rocky plain. Surrounding him were six grapefruit-sized, perfectly round stones; a seventh, unshaped one was in his hands. He carefully shaved atoms off of the stone in his hand, shaping it into a perfect sphere as well.

He'd learned this technique from a race of green slug men he'd run into. Only a few of them knew the specific technique, but Sponby... liberated the knowledge from them.

The seventh stone was done. Sponby infused some of his power in each stone, then chanted the spell that turned them into glassy orange balls. But even that wasn't enough; he'd need a lot of energy to actually give birth to the being that would eventually inhabit these balls.

The planet Sponby was on was much like Earth in its early days: a tumultuous place with little atmosphere to speak of. But, like Earth, it possessed the intrinsic ability to produce life. At this point in its development, the only life on this planet was simple chains of self-replicating molecules.

Perhaps someday, this planet would produce a species that would bring peace to life everywhere...

...but it would have to be in another universe.

Sponby chanted another set of words, drawing the entire planet's intrinsic life energy into himself. Even with his abilities, the sheer amount of power was overwhelming; he barely had enough time to infuse the glassy spheres with as much of the energy as he could.

He shaped the rest of the energy into a gigantic draconic being. He used the energy in the glassy spheres to give life and intelligence to the dragon, binding the dragon to the balls, and the balls to the dragon.

"I HAVE AWAKENED." the dragon announced.

"I am your master, Dragon." Sponby said. "You will use your power to grant the wishes of anyone who collects these seven spheres and invokes your name."

"I WILL OBEY." The dragon's eyes flashed red. "WHAT IS YOUR WISH, MASTER?"

Sponby could wish for a lot of things. He could bring Doctor Insano to this place, to exact his revenge... he could wish for invincibility, ultimate power, an ultimate weapon. The dragon's power did have limits, but given the huge amount of power that had gone into its creation, its limits were quite high indeed.

ARCHETYPE

While he was thinking about his wish, a massive laser tore a huge hole in the earth behind him. Sponby looked up and saw a huge spaceship hovering in the sky, with several smaller ones flying around it.

"What the hell?" Sponby wondered. He was about to fly up to see what was going on, but a bunch of people materialized on the surface in front of him.

The group, numbering around 50 or so, appeared to be generic mechanical grunts. They started firing lasers at Sponby, but he shrugged off the blasts. He absorbed a few of them and blasted the others with his various powers.

"Stop!" a female voice ordered. The robots all beamed up, leaving a single person behind: a ten-foot-tall cyborg woman with four arms and bright pink hair, dressed in some sort of glowing power armour.

"...Anime Borg?" Sponby guessed.

"I am Archetype, general of the Great Machine Force, Jetscrand division. You are the entity known as Sponby, correct?"

"Yeah, I am. And why are you here?"

"I have come for that." She pointed at the dragon. "Hey, dragon! I wish for Sponby to be confined in an impenetrable cage!"

"YOUR WISH IS GRANTED." A black cage appeared around Sponby. The dragon disappeared, and the seven balls flew off in random directions.

"Bridge! This is Archetype." the woman spoke into her wrist. "I have captured the quarry. Beam us both up, and while you're at it, find and capture those balls."

IMPRISONED

Archetype and several soldiers were standing guard around Sponby's cage, which was in the cargo hold of a ship. The cage negated all of Sponby's shadow-form-based powers.

"Hmm." Archetype looked into the cage. "You're a human, huh? Can't say I've ever seen one."

"Well, you look pretty human to me. Except for the four arms, and the hair, and the height."

"Oh, do I?" She laughed. "It's skin-deep at best. Believe me, we're completely different biologically."

"Whatever. So, why the hell did you capture me?"

"Oh, orders." Archetype pressed a button on her wrist, and a hologram of a starship appeared. "See this? This is the Super Exadian, one of the most powerful ships in the entire Great Machine Force. The captain who brings you to the Heart of Machines gets this ship. It's nothing personal."

"Okay, and what's the Great Machine Force?"

"You're kind of dumb, aren't you? I'll say it slowly for you: it's a force of machines that's great. We exist to stop hotshot little people like you from declaring yourselves gods and subjugating everything you can. We're a pretty big deal to everyone who isn't from a backwater little planet like Humanville."

"Wh- Humanville, what? My home planet's called Earth."

"That's a dumb name. Anyways, I got no idea what they want with you, but it's not my job to know." Archetype walked over to the transporter pad. "Keep an eye on him. If he escapes, let me know." She teleported away, leaving the mechanical footsoldiers standing silently around the cage.

Sponby tried reaching through the cage, but an invisible field stopped him. He tried shifting into his shadow form again, but he got zapped by lightning. And none of the gadgets in his pocket worked at all.

But at the same time, he didn't think letting himself get to this 'Heart of Machines' place was a good idea. Hmm... Ah! Sponby used his oft-forgotten psychic powers, the only actual power he had in his normal form, to tap into the footsoldiers. They had organic brains, which Sponby took control of. There was no door in the cage, but the footsoldiers' lasers cut through the bars, allowing Sponby to slip through.

RAMPAGE

Sponby switched to his shadow form, absorbing the footsoldiers. He also tried absorbing the cage, but his shadow tendrils wouldn't stick to the cage, so he gave up.

Sponby stepped onto the transporter pad.

"Take me to the bridge." he said. He felt himself being ripped apart at the subatomic level, and rearranged atom by atom somewhere else on the ship. It wasn't painful, but it certainly wasn't pleasant.

"You!" More footsoldiers fired lasers at him, but he shrugged them off as always. Feeling a bit creative, he conjured up a minigun with effectively infinite ammo and let it rip. The robots were ripped apart, but fortunately the starship's hull was thick enough to resist it.

Sponby ran forward into the bridge, a massive glass dome with floating consoles all over the place. Most of the various crewmen were distinctly non-human; there were some robots, an amorphous blob thing, a couple of plant-like beings, and more. The most human was Archetype herself, but she didn't look happy.

"Damn it, he escaped!" She grabbed a bunch of grenade-like devices and threw them at Sponby; on detonation, the grenades created a force field around Sponby, but he broke through them easily. The crewmen drew various weapons.

"No, stop you idiots!" Archetype screamed. "We need him alive!"

"Okay, listen up." Sponby said. "Now, I could leave here at any time, but I don't like being insulted. So, what you're all going to do, is let me absorb her, and I'll leave the rest of you alone. Okay?"

The crewmen looked at each other, muttering in various alien languages.

"You idiots!" Archetype screamed. "Throw your incap grenades at him! Stop him at all costs!" A few of them tried non-lethally stopping Sponby, but he broke through everything they threw at him. He power-walked toward her.

Sponby fired a single shadow tendril at Archetype, but she blocked it by drawing a lightsaber and burning it. She followed up by drawing three more lightsabers.

"Lightsabers. Pfff." Sponby fired more shadow tendrils, but Archetype managed to block almost all of them, to Sponby's great surprise. A brave plant-man rushed Sponby from behind, but he only ended up being absorbed into Sponby's body.

Archetype rushed at Sponby, apparently trying to cleave him into little pieces, but he collapsed into a puddle of black goo. She tried stabbing it with her lightsabers, but the puddle jumped and attached to her legs, engulfing her in an instant.

"No! No, Emergency Teleport!" Archetype disappeared from within Sponby's body. He returned to humanoid shape, only to realize that the rest of the crew was gone as well. He looked outside; apparently, he was in one of the smaller ships, as he was looking straight at the huge ship he saw before. He couldn't tell exactly how big it was, except that it was... well, big.

Sponby floated up to one of the consoles, but he had no idea how to pilot this thing. A massive laser fired from the main ship hit Sponby's ship; the shields held, but based on the reaction of the console, it couldn't take another hit.

STARSHIP

Sponby had no choice. He remembered the piece of the Z-Crystal within him; he drew on its power, increasing his absorption abilities exponentially. He jammed his hand into the console, and tendrils of darkness and organic wires spewed from it shortly after.

It only took a minute for Sponby to absorb the entire ship. Even the small ship was at least the size of a city; that big ship was at least twenty or thirty times as large as just one of the small ships, but Sponby didn't think he'd be able to absorb it right now.

The main ship fired another barrage of lasers at the Sponbyship, but he raised the shields, enhanced by his various powers, and redirected the laser. He started firing weapons of all kinds at the main ship, but its shields were just as strong as Sponby's.

"...Who the hell are you?" Sponby received a transmission from the main ship. He recognized the voice as...

"Exodus?" Spondy asked.

"I am Captain Exodus of the flagship Midgigard. Who are you?"

"But I killed you!" Sponby shouted.

"Ah! You're Sponby, aren't you? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Yes, you killed an Exodus... but there is more than one of us throughout the wide, wide multiverse!" Exodus laughed. "Now, surrender yourself to us before we direct our full power upon you!"

"Yeah, good luck with that." Sponby started up the rest of his power sources, reaching his full potential. He reconfigured the ship's shape into a gigantic cannon.

"What? Stop this at once!" Exodus commanded.

"YAMATO TECHNIQUE LEVEL 4: WAVE MOTION BUSTER!" Sponby funneled all of his power into the cannon, firing an absolutely massive beam of white energy at the flagship. The Midgigard's shields did manage to absorb most of the blast, but what it didn't absorb resulted in massive structural damage. Most of the other smaller ships were caught in the blast, utterly annihilating all but one of them.

"Damn it! Retreat! Be warned, Sponby: the Great Machine Force will not forget this!" The remaining ships teleported away.

POWER

Sponby sit, alone, hovering over a dead planet. He had made a powerful enemy; he had put all of his power into that attack, and it didn't even destroy that flagship. And there were more powerful flagships, and likely a lot more.

Sponby had to become more powerful. Or he could, you know, just hand himself over to the Heart of Machines, but fuck that. No, he had to get more powerful.

Sponby opened a portal and headed through it.


	3. The Great Machine Force

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

Sponby was standing outside of his old home. Despite all the traveling he did, only a single day had elapsed on Earth. The house and most of the surrounding area was still pretty badly torn up, but Sponby managed to get inside.

Sponby headed back into Insano's lab. He headed over to his makeshift living area, which, fortunately, was still intact. Also intact, and the reason he came here in the first place, was his old robot Burton. Well okay, "robot" was being charitable: it was just a prop made from a vaccuum cleaner and spare parts.

But Sponby was feeling nostalgic. He had a starship, and though he could pilot it by himself, it would be much easier to have an AI piloting it. Again, Burton was about as smart as a rock, but Sponby was pretty sure that he could rig up an AI.

Sponby absorbed Burton into his body, but when he turned around to leave, he was blinded by a bright light. Once his eyes adjusted, he realized what the source of that bright light was...

"Hello, Sponby." Spoont said.

"You! I killed you!" Sponby exclaimed.

"I got better. Now then, I've heard what you did to the Great Machine Force. I figure that you won't be around much longer anyways, so I want my piece of you before they annihilate you." Spoont conjured a sword of light.

"Good luck!" Sponby conjured a sword of darkness, and they went to it. Sponby could tell that Spoont was not only fully recovered, but that he was significantly stronger than when they last met. Did this guy have Saiyan blood or something? Hmm, Saiyan blood...

Spoont slashed Sponby's stomach, leaving a huge gash. Sponby countered by junctioning one of the starship's tractor beams to his arm, which he used to hold Spoont in place.

"Any last words?" Sponby asked.

"Yeah. Get a stronger tractor beam." Spoont broke the tractor beam, slashing Sponby again. This time, Sponby lost one of his arms, though he regenerated that in an instant. Spoont tried to get another shot in, but Sponby summoned his heroic willpower and grabbed the sword of light with his arm.

"Yeah, 'heart' sucks as a power source, doesn't it?" Sponby taunted. He ripped the sword of light from Spoont's grip, absorbing it and fusing it with his sword of darkness.

LIGHT AND DARK

His new weapon, the Fusion Sword, easily cleaved through Spoont's body. Spoont tried to open a portal to escape, but Sponby dragged him back with the tractor beam. Sponby slashed off Spoont's limbs, and the sheer power of the Fusion Sword meant that Spoont was unable to grow them back - at this point, he was pretty much helpeless.

"Wait! Don't kill me! I know how to stop the Great Machine Force!" Spoont cried.

"Oh, really? I was just planning on killing every last one of them."

"No, that won't work. They have effectively infinite resources. You need to go to the Heart of Machines and kill the leader."

"And where is this Heart of Machines?"

"It's a closely-guarded secret. You'll need to invade one of their flagships and get the data."

"Thanks for the information." Sponby cleaved Spoont in half, killing him for good. But then again, he could probably regenerate from that too...

"IRON FIST TECHNIQUE LEVEL 2: SOUL PUNCH!" Sponby reached into one half of Spoont's body and ripped out his soul. He absorbed that, and for good measure, he absorbed the pieces of Spoont's body. The light struggled within him, but Sponby quickly adapted to it.

Sponby's body underwent a change. Rather than being a vaguely-humanoid black figure, he gained glowing red eyes, red tattoos all over his body, and slightly more defined features. He gained all of Spoont's absorbed powers, abilities and knowledge as well, though he didn't quite double his power (he could tolerate Spoont's light, but he couldn't use it as effectively as his own darkness).

With Spoont's knowledge came a terrible realization:

Sponby had killed Spoont in the throne room of Castle Fevrier. This was an alternate-universe Spoont.

And there were more of them.

VANITY SHIP

Sponby realized that, if he was serious about destroying these Great Machine Force guys, he'd probably need a lot more power. He still hadn't quite gained control over his portal device, so hunting down AU versions of himself was probably inefficient.

No, what Sponby realized was that he had a lot of potential with his current abilities. He'd need to find somewhere to refine his abiltiies and get more out of them, which would (for the time being) give him yet another major power boost.

But before that, he had one thing to do. Sponby drew on power from his Z-Crystal and absorbed the remains of his house and Insano's lab. It wouldn't provide much of a power boost, but it would give him plenty of raw material.

He flew up into the atmosphere and absorbed the secret Nazi killsat positioned right above his house. Sponby processed the data on the satellite, and realized that there was a group of Neo-Nazis planning on kickstarting Instrumentality by making Nightcrawler the Pope, opening a portal to Hell and detonating several grey goo bombs all around the world, which would apparently result in everyone merging together into a nanotech Nazi-God or something. It was a stupid fucking plan, but Sponby fired the killsat at the Neo Nazi headquarters, kiling them all.

With that done, Sponby used the raw material in his body to recreate the Great Machine Force's starship that he had absorbed, though with a few personal touches. For one, it was bright red, so that it would go three times faster, and it had purple streaks for stealth, because have you ever seen purple camoflague before? No, you haven't, so it must be a stealthy color!

Sponby then used various fragments of personalities he had absorbed to piece together an AI, which would control the ship so he didn't have to. He decided to call the ship "The Quickening", and of course, he named the AI BURTON.

"I AM ONLINE." BURTON said. Sponby sat in the comfortable captain's chair on the bridge; he didn't expect to pick up any passengers, so the rest of the ship was armaments, shields and engines. And even if he did pick up passengers, he could modify the ship in an instant.

"Good. Activate the portal device and send us through it." Sponby had copied most of his powers to The Quickening, and had instructed BURTON on how to use them, though at a slightly weaker level.

"YES SIR. COMMENCING MST TRANSPORT IN 3... 2... 1..." A portal opened up in front of them, and the engines powered The Quickening through the portal at several hundred times the speed of light.

BACK THERE

The Quickening appeared above a lumpy-looking planet. The surface appeared to be dark purple.

"Hey, it's this place!" Sponby said, recalling his adventure with King Damocles and the insect-like species known as the Equinox. "BURTON, find a place called 'Castle Fevrier' and set me down there."

"YES SIR." Sponby de- and re-materialized in front of a giant flaming castle, with insects running around and on fire (not necessarily in that order).

"Huh, what the hell?"

"Great-Lord Sponby!" one of the Equinoxes cried. "Please, help us! A demon has destroyed Fort Fevrier!"

"Yeah, we'll see about that." Sponby ran into the burning castle, navigating the relatively simple hallways until he entered the throne room. Sitting on the throne was King Damocles, holding off a flurry of attacks by another familiar face with his barrier...

"Well well well, what a surprise!" The figure turned around. It appeared to be Archetype, the ten-foot-tall alien woman who had captured him before, but she looked different; her face was scarred, and rather than wearing glowing power armor, she instead was wearing similarly-patterned armor made out of inky darkness...

"Yeah, what a surprise. I've got my own rogue's gallery now, and they all have Joker immunity." Sponby shrugged. "So, let me guess, you're from an alternate universe?"

"Perhaps. But I do remember what you did to me, Sponby; you tried to absorb me." She looked down at her black armor. "Our emergency teleportation is quick and dirty; it has a chance of failing and leaving you a barely-alive mass of flesh, hence why it's emergency only. So when I used it while partially-absorbed by you, it took parts of you with me... and it fused us together on a genetic level, giving me some of your own power." She laughed evilly.

"Wonderful. Just what I need, another AU version of myself running around."

"Oh, you think I'm a version of you? Quite the contrary, 'Great-Lord'; you are an alternate me. Archetype isn't my name; it's my species. Your Doctor made you in our image."

"Whatever, I don't care about exposition. Let's just get this over with so I can fight you 256 more times." Sponby shifted into his shadow form, and Archetype did the same.

MIRROR, MIRROR

She took the first shot, firing several Disintegration rays followed up with a Broken Shining Finger. Sponby blocked the rays and countered with a Holy-Flare-Meteor-Ultima quadcast, which destroyed what was left of the castle. Damocles protected himself with his barrier.

"Ha! You're stronger than when we last met." Archetype taunted. She used a Stellar Flashbang to take advantage of Sponby's weakness to light, but he no longer had that weakness thanks to Spoont; it still hurt him a bit, but not nearly as badly as she expected.

"So, you like using my techiques, huh? Well, we'll see how you like the Level 2 Swat Technique! AUTO-FUCKING-SHOTGUNS!" Sponby generated about 500 autoshotguns, each of which had four barrels and unlimited ammo, and let loose. Archetype tried shielding herself, but the sheer amount of bullets broke her shield quickly, and she was reduced to little bits.

But she too had an impressive healing factor. She pulled herself together and regenerated in only a few seconds.

"Is that all you've got, Sponby?" Archetype created a huge axe, but Sponby cut through it with his Fusion Sword. He diced her up, but unlike Spoont, she regenerated from those wounds as well. Sponby had to pull out his trump card...

"SWAT TECHNIQUE LEVEL 3! YOU'RE IN MY SPOT!" Sponby teleported right on top of Archetype, telefragging her. She was reduced to subatomic particles; she couldn't regenerate from that.

"Thank you, Great-Lord!" Damocles said. "We will rebuild our castle and replenish our supplies."

"It's what I do." Sponby said.

I GOT BETTER

But to his surprise, Archetype returned!

"Ha! Telefragging might work against lesser beings, but I'm not one of them!" she boasted, laughing madly.

"Fuck!" Sponby shouted. "Hey Damocles, wanna do that dragon thing?"

"Yes, of course!" Damocles turned into energy and fused with Sponby, transforming him into a massive dark dragon with red markings all over. Just like last time, he ate his opponent, but rather than doing the stupid thing and finishing her off with phantasmagoric breath, he simply sapped her power and absorbed her. It wasn't much of a boost, but he did regain a few of the powers he lost (though he didn't even notice losing them, due to having so many).

Damocles de-fused from Sponby.

"Once again... Thank you, Great-Lord! But do not count on that ability again; I can only use it once in my lifetime."

"Yeah, whatever." Sponby was pretty sure he had heard that last time too, but he could care less. "So hey, I saw this planet from orbit, and it looked kinda... lumpy. What is it exactly?"

"We live upon our God! He protects us and provides us with all we need to flourish!"

"Okay. SO does your God have a name?"

"Uh...?" Damocles was confused. "We... don't really have a name for it."

"Okay. Well, since I'm here, I'm going to be training for a bit to develop my powers. I hope you don't mind if I stick around here for a few weeks?"

"We would be honored, Great-Lord! Only... we are lacking in accomodations at the moment."

"Ha, don't worry." Sponby pulled a communicator out of his pocket. "Hey BURTON, beam these guys down a new castle."

"YES SIR. BEAMING DOWN IN 3... 2... 1..." A new castle immediately manifested around them.

"Suck it Linkara! My spaceship can make castles for bug people!" Sponby said to no one in particular.

TRAINING FROM HELL

Over the next two months, Sponby experimented with various combinations of his various powers. He learned to use them more efficiently, and he finally learned how to use some of the less energy-intensive ones in his non-shadow form. He also figured out how to directly apply weapons and other offensive abilities to himself, without using the fucking Guardian Forces to junction them to his body; this also increased efficiency, and it finally allowed him to fully absorb their personalities and powers into himself. They would probably sit unused like his powers from Arma, but hey, who knows when you'd need to refine 100 trading cards into a tent?

Finally, Sponby messed around with Spoont's light powers as well. Though he trained quite a bit with the powers Spoont had absorbed from other sources (one of his new personal favorites was the magic demon werewolf form), he still couldn't directly use Spoont's light tendrils. Hell, he wasn't even sure how he managed to create his Fusion Sword in the first place, though he had refined that further as well.

Sponby eventually figured out another roundabout way of using light-powered magic by directing spells through the Fusion Sword, but he could only use them at 60% efficiency or so; he had plenty of other abilities that could mimic light magic, but in order to become truly powerful, he'd need to master all of his weaknesses.

Also, Sponby managed to convert Neutro's anti-magic field generator into an anti-anti magic field field which, despite its nonsensical name, finally made him (mostly) immune to anti-magic in general. Coupled with his ability to use powers in human form (again, mostly the magic demon werewolf form), he was now pretty much unstoppable to anything he could think of, though he knew that someone out there had the exact combination of weapons to neutralize and kill him, and probably that he'd fight 5 billion permutations of that person before he finally found and killed Insano.

Also, he learned kung-fu offscreen.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

At the end of his 2-month training period (though it was more like 3 months due to the calendar the Equinoxes used), he bid farewell to King Damocles and his subjects, and returned to The Quickening.

"I HAVE LOCATED 3 GREAT MACHINE FORCE FLEETS IN THE LOCAL MST-BRANES." BURTON ANNOUNCED IN ALL CAPS.

"What? MST- Listen BURTON, just take us to the closest one."

"MST STANDS FOR "MULTIUNIVERSAL SPACE-TIME. THERE IN ONE FLEET CLOSE TO US ON OUR CURRENT BRANE, AND TWO MORE CLOSER TO US, BUT ON ADJACENT BRANES."

"I just told you I don't care. Okay, which one's the weakest?"

"THE ONE ON OUR CURRENT BRANE IS THE STRONGEST, BUT DUE TO THE UNRELIABLE NATURE OF OUR PORTAL DEVICE, WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO REACH THE WEAKER ONES."

"Okay, take us to the strongest one. I'm sure I can handle it."

"COMMENCING WARP IN THREE... TWO... ONE..." The Quickening accelerated far, far, far beyond the speed of light, making physics weep in a corner somewhere. It only took a few seconds from Sponby's perspective to reach the Great Machine Force fleet.

"RECEIVING TRANSMISSION." The giant impractical monitor in front of Sponby flickered, showing an image of an ugly-looking lizard alien.

"This is the GMF Super Exadian. Identify yourself, Corvette-class ship."

"I'm Sponby, bitches! Fire everything you got, BURTON!" BURTON complied by, indeed, firing everything. But the Super Exadian's shields took everything Sponby had, and came back for more.

"ENEMY SHIELDS AT 95%. I WOULD RECOMMEND A TACTICAL RETREAT."

"Fuck that! Accelerate to 100x lightspeed and punch through their hull!" Sponby ordered. BURTON complied, though The Quickening took a bit of hull damage in the process; Sponby instantly healed it, and BURTON beamed him aboard.

Almost instantly, Sponby was attacked by a veritable army of mecha-mooks. Sponby dispatched all of them with ease. He then searched around for a transporter pad, but the first one he tried was locked.

"Ha! You didn't think we would let you do that twice?" a voice over the intercom said.

"Fine! I'll just kill more of your guys! In fact, I was planning on letting you guys go, but I think I'll just kill all of you now."

"...Fine. Come to the bridge." The transporter pad opened up, and Sponby stepped through it...

OLD FACE

...and ended up in the brig. A human dressed in dark clothing stood guard.

"What the fuck? I'll kill you-" Sponby tried firing a shadow tendril at the man, but some kind of force field blocked him.

The man in black turned around and grinned wickedly. He reached into his torso, pulling out his own intestines, which became rigid and took the form of a large, bloody spear.

"Yeah, nice trick. I can do that too." Sponby switched to his shadow form and drew his Fusion Sword, but his attack rebounded off of the force field. The man in black was unimpeded by the field, and he stabbed his spear wildly at Sponby.

"Ke... ke ke ke ke ke!" the man laughed. "Ke ke ke ka nu!" The man transformed into a hulking demon, at least three times as tall as Sponby and twice as wide. He grew three more sets of arms and created eight bloody swords.

"Pah, this'll be easy." Sponby powered up and switched to his magic demon werewolf form, which at least matched the demon in size and was twice as powerful, and that was without adding all of Sponby's power sources. Sponby's enchanted claws ripped through the force field.

The demon got in close and tried massacring Sponby in melee combat, but Sponby ignited his claws with hellfire and cut through all of the demon's swords. Sponby ripped the demon's throat out with his powerful jaws, and the demon stumbled back, holding its throat.

"Ghhk..." the demon sputtered. It tapped into a hidden reserve of power, growing even larger and gaining wings. Sponby leapt onto the demon's chest and ripped its heart out, consuming it in his bloodlust. The demon returned to its human form, lying on the ground and bleeding out.

"HA!" Sponby returned to his human form as well, and for good measure, he kicked the son of a bitch. The man tried to beg for mercy, but his injuries were too great; he spoke his last. Sponby absorbed the man, adding more demon to his magic demon werewolf form.

EVOLUTION

Sponby wandered around, eventually finding another transporter pad that took him to the bridge this time. He ran forward, ending up in a brightly-lit atrium; the way forward was blocked by three humanoid-looking guys, all of whom had four arms and power armor, though their faces differed from one another.

"Of course, more Archetypes." Sponby sighed. "Well, come on, let's see what you've got."

They all fired finger beams at him. Sponby shrugged all of them off, though he noted that these beams were powered by light magic; obviously, these guys did their homework. Too bad he figured out a way around it.

Sponby responded by creating several squirt guns on his body, which soaked the three Archetypes in DMSO. He then fired every disease and drug that he could think of (and a few that didn't previously exist) at them; one of them instantly died, one fell on the ground and started having a seizure, while the third... morphed into the thing that Tetsuo turned into at the end of Akira.

"KANEDAAA HELP ME" the Archetype said while firing tentacles all over the place. It absorbed its two brethren, mutating even further.

Sponby tried firing a shadow tendril at Tetsuo, but his tendril was absorbed. Okay then. Sponby shifted into magic demon werewolf form and ripped through Tetsuo, but all of the damage he inflicted was regenerated quickly. He even tried empowering his claws with energy from the Fusion Sword, but even those wounds didn't last long.

"Okay, I get it! Regeneration is fucking annoying!" Sponby yelled. As he was pondering a way to kill this thing, the walls, ceiling and floor of the atrium all exploded. Tetsuo fell into deep space, never to be heard from again, but Sponby barely managed to grab a ledge and pull himself toward it, narrowly avoiding the same fate.

BRIDGE

Finally, Sponby made it to the bridge of the Super Exadian. It was much larger than The Quickening's bridge, with at least 200 crewmen mulling around.

"Ah! Welcome, Sponby." The captain, a gigantic humanoid with a pumpkin for a head, floated down to greet our hero.

"Pump- okay, fine. Whatever. Give me the coordinates for the Heart of Machines and get out of here." Sponby fired a number of shadow tendrils at Pumpkinhead, but kept them suspended a half-inch above its skin.

"Okay. Prepare a Mass Teleport, everyone." Everyone but Pumpkinhead warped away. "Also, this was totally a trap." He warped away as well.

Sponby looked out into space, and an absolutely massive ship warped in. The Super Exadian was probably about the size of the Moon, but that thing utterly dwarfed it.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFF- Okay, let's deal with this." Sponby floated up to one of the terminals and jammed his arm into it. He tried hacking it, but... there was nothing there. The only data left in the system was for running the life-support systems, and a single text file entitled "Fuck You ".

The massive ship fired a warning shot. The laser barely grazed the hull of the Super Exadian, leaving a huge gash across it.

DRAGON

"Okay, I can fix this. BURTON!" Sponby remotely connected with The Quickening.

"I AM DETECTING A STRUCTURE ROUGHLY EQUAL IN SIZE TO THE PLANET NEPTUNE. IT APPEARS TO BE A SHIP."

"Yeah, I saw it! And I'm on the Super Exadian, but they've wiped the hard drives. I'm a sitting duck!"

"I MAY BE ABLE TO HACK TOGETHER BASIC ENGINE CONTROLS. BUT I WILL NEED TO PHYSICALLY CONNECT THE QUICKENING TO THE SUPER EXADIAN."

"Yeah, do that! Just hurry up with it!" Sponby felt the bridge shake; he looked up and saw the red hull of The Quickening right above him. BURTON started firing shadow tendrils into the bridge, absorbing a great deal of it.

Sponby, figuring that he might as well go all the way, bodily fused with The Quickening and started absorbing the rest of the ship. BURTON fragmented his AI to work as quickly as he could. One of the AIs gained a God complex and tried to take over the rest, but Sponby quickly put an end to that.

The massive ship fired another warning shot, but Sponby had enough control of the Super Exadian to start the engines, moving it out of the way. Sponby and BURTON finished absorbing the ship, reconfiguring it with more weaponry, shield generators and engines... and something else.

"READY FOR TRANSFORMATION." BURTON said, reabsorbing his fragmented AIs. "WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS SHIP?"

"The Dragon." Sponby said. The ship started to transform, reconfiguring itself into a humanoid form. "And this... will be the Dragonlord."

DEUS EST MACHINA

The massive ship sent a transmission.

"Greetings, Sponby!" a voice said. "I have been watching your progress in detail, but I never expected you to take over one of my Super Exadians."

"Yeah, underestimating me is generally a bad idea."

"Indeed! Now, please allow me to introduce myself: I am Rossum the Machine-King, leader of the Great Machine Force." The voice definitely sounded regal enough; it spoke with an air of unwarranted self-importance, though if he controlled a ship that big, Sponby supposed that he actually might warrant it.

"Cool. Tell you what: let me go now, and I promise I won't hunt you down and kill your entire organization."

"Ah, I'm afraid I can't do that! You're quite the interesting specimen. Your power is beyond anything I've seen in any other Archetype, and I'd like to learn more about it."

"Well, why don't you dedicate your undoubtedly considerable resources to finding Doctor Insano? In fact, why don't we cut a deal? I'm looking for him too, so once I'm done with him, I'll let you have him, and in exchange, you leave me the hell alone."

"Oh, I HAVE found Doctor Insano. AU versions of him, at least; the particular version that created you still eludes me, and I doubt that I'll ever be able to find him or one with his particular talents. Instead, I'll just have to settle with dissecting his greatest creation and replicating it as best I can."

The massive ship, which Sponby understood was called the Deus Est Machina (he wasn't sure how he knew that particular bit of info, he just kind of did), started getting serious in destroying the Dragonlord. They knew about Sponby's massive healing factor, so they probably figured that they could reduce him into more manageable chunks for transport.

But Sponby was not about to repeat his time as an experiment. He was going to show these bastards why messing with him was not a good idea.

DRAGONLORD

Sponby started by firing every possible weapon he could think of, no matter how strong or weak. While doing this, he buffed himself up with everything in his arsenal, including several layers of protect, shell, reflect, haste, etc. The reflect spells in particular seemed to help quite a bit, as they reflected a majority of the energy weapons fired by the Deus Est Machina.

But the Deus Est Machina shrugged his attacks off as well. Sponby synchronized himself with BURTON and the Dragonlord, and they all temporarily became one being. By doing this, Sponby reached a new level of power; he was still short of being Type III on the Kardashev scale, but only by a couple of factors.

"SUMMON TECHNIQUE LEVEL 7: DRAMATIS PERSONAE!" Giga Sponby shot himself in the head with an Evoker, summoning the various alternate characters he had played over the years: Tandem the Spoony Bard, Doctor Insano (the non-evil one), Spencer D Bum, Terl, The Ultimate Spoony, Hulk Spogan, the Spoonyvatar, Spoonkara, and many, many others. They all assaulted the shields of the Deus Est Machina, breaking the shield with their combined power.

"And to finish you off! SUMMON TECHNIQUE LEVEL 8: DRAGON AVATAR!" Giga Sponby transformed into a huge dragon, almost the same size as the Deus Est Machina. "EXA FLARE!" He fired an immense beam of plasma through the void and at the Deus Est Machina; the Personae gave their power to the Exa Flare, allowing it to punch through the ship's armor.

...but the ship simply regenerated from the damage.

Giga Sponby defused into its component parts (Sponby, BURTON and the Dragonlord), completely drained. The Dragonlord transformed back into the Dragon.

"WE HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO WARP AWAY." BURTON said.

"...Yeah. Do that." Sponby didn't have the energy to stand, much less fight back. BURTON tried to open another portal, but the Deus Est Machina blocked it somehow.

NO ESCAPE

"Ha ha ha! Very good, Sponby! That is the most damage that the Deus Est Machina's ever taken!" Rossum taunted. "Do you have any more tricks up your sleeves?"

"No, I don't. I give up." Sponby said back.

"I see. Honestly, I expected more of a fight from you." The Deus Est Machina opened a portal, and forced the Dragon through it. The last thing Sponby heard was the cruel mechanical laughing of Rossum the Machine-King. He had lost.


	4. Ultimate Sponan the Barbarian

UNFAMILIAR CEILING

Sponby woke up underneath an unfamilar ceiling. He looked around; it looked like he was in a simple tent of some sort, lying on a thin mat and beneath a warm fur blanket. The cold air snapped him back to his senses.

Where was he? What happened to BURTON and the Dragon? What about Rossum the Machine-King? What about the horrific dissections? Or was he being dissected, and this was just his mind retreating in on itself to stop the pain.

Sponby got up. He was naked, so he tried to generate some clothing out of his shadow form, as he had frequently done in the past... but he couldn't access his shadow form. He tried accessing some of the low-level abilites he'd trained to use in his human form... but he couldn't access those either. He felt weak and flimsy, like a thin shell of flesh over empty space.

"?" A red-haired woman stepped into the tent. She was built like an amazon, wearing a thick fur cloak and had several knives and a longsword on her waist.

"Uh..." Sponby stammered.

":O" The woman looked surprised.

"Oh. Fucking shrinkage..." Sponby grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around himself.

":)" She smiled. She hadn't actually opened her mouth, but Sponby knew what she was trying to say.

"So, uh... who're you?"

She pointed at her hair.

"...Red? Yeah, I'll call you Red." Painful memories of a similarly-named woman came to the forefront of his mind, but he shooed them away. Then again, if this was just a delusion, maybe this woman was...

Another man walked in. He was shorter than Red, but just as stocky. He was dressed similarly, though he had a large blunt mace or hammer on his back.

"Oh, yer awake!" the man said. He had a thick accent, though Sponby couldn't quite place it: it was a cross between a pirate and the Swedish Chef.

"Yeah, where am I?" Sponby asked. "And could you spare any clothes?"

"Sure can! Go get him a fur kilt, dear." Thhe woman stepped outside of the tent. "And I'm Oskar, King of Evil Sweden."

EVIL SWEDEN

"...what?" Sponby said, dumbfounded.

"Ha ha! It's just a name." Oskar laughed heartily. "See, about 20 years ago, the country of Sweden launched a bunch of tactical nukes against everyone else. Now we're in the nuclear winter period, and we just happen to be near the former geographical area of Sweden... so it became a joke between us to start calling it Evil Sweden."

"That's... nice. And you're the King?"

"It's a self-appointed title." He laughed again, as Red came in with a set of fur clothing. Sponby didn't recognize the type of fur it was made from.

"And this is Red, my daughter. Stunning resemblance, huh?"

":D"

"So what, she just talks in emoticons?" Sponby asked.

"'Fraid so. She was injured when she was little, so she can't talk anymore, but she sure can talk with a blade!"

"That's... that's nice. So, uh, I'm kinda missing a spaceship. Did you guys see it at all?"

"Spaceship? What, are you from space or soemthin?" Oskar asked.

"Well, not really, but I did come here in a spaceship, I think. I dunno. Last thing I remember is getting defeated by a giant machine god, then I woke up here."

"Yeah, I think you're brain-damaged, my man. Well, we'll fix that. Come on, we're going on a hunt!" Red threw the clothes to Sponby, and they both left the tent. Sponby got dressed, ending up wearing a fur vest, kilt, boots and a thick cape. He wasn't quite Conan, but they were pretty comfortable.

THE HUNT

Sponby stepped out of the tent. He was in a small settlement, made up of about thirty or so small tents with a big open area in the middle. The snow crunched under his feet.

"Oy!" Oskar called him over. He was standing with Red and a bunch of other similarly-built men. "What's your name, bud?"

"...Raistlin." For some reason, Sponby didn't think using his real name was a good idea.

"Ah! Some kinda wizard, huh?" one of the men joked. They all had a good laugh at that.

"HA! Don't feel bad, bud. Now then, here's a spear. Know how to use it?" Oskar handed Sponby a wooden spear.

"I'll figure it out. So what are we hunting?"

"There's a cave near here with a bunch of beewolves." one of the men said. "They killed Kenny, so we're goin after them for meat and skins."

"Those bastards!" Sponby said, and everyone laughed. Apparently, South Park references survived the end of the world. The group walked off to the north, trudging through the endless tundra until they came across a solitary cave in the middle of nowhere. One of the men lit a torch, and they walked into the cave.

Immediately, a giant fucking bear with silver fur pounced upon them, taking out one of the guys immediately. The rest of them, including Sponby, stabbed it until it died. More 'beewolves' with multicolored fur attacked them, causing the group to lose another member before they went down.

"What the hell? Multicolored bears?" Sponby asked.

"Mutants." Oskar said. "They all taste the same though."

GOOD EATIN

Once they finished killing the bears, they hauled them all back. All of the barbarians were much stronger than any human had any right to be; they could each carry one bear back. Apparently, Sponby was as well; these bears were either really light, or some of his lost power had carried over to his human form. On a whim, he tried absorbing it... but still nothing.

The rest of the barbarians cheered when they returned with the bears. A roaring fire had already been prepared, and about ten people started skinning the bears and throwing the meat on the fire.

A few hours later, everyone had had their fill of meat and beer.

"So, what about those two guys who died in the cave? Aren't we going to mourn them or something?" Sponby asked Oskar.

"Huh? You're definitely not from around here, Raistlin." He took another swig from his pweter goblet. "We don't really mourn people we lose. Instead, we celebrate their lives by eating their share of the food."

"I see." It didn't bother Sponby, but he realized that these guys had different morality than the humans he knew. Did that scare him at all? Of course, he still wasn't sure if this was real or not, so maybe this was his subconscious trying to tell him something. Sponby took a swig of beer, remembering his one-time friend Jeff Bridges; once he had his ship back, he'd have to find an AU and treat him to a nice cold one.

WITCHEZ

":D" Red woke Sponby up. He had a pretty bad hangover.

"What, what is it?"

":P"

"Don't give me that look. I know I'm a lightweight, I don't drink much."

"Oi!" Oskar stepped into the tent. "Mornin', Raistlin! Did you enjoy last night?"

Sponby rubbed his head. "Yeah, but I have a killer hangover."

"Ha! You'll get used to it. You'll get the shits or worse if you try drinkin the water round here, so we drink a lotta beer and wine. Anyways, I was talkin with the boys, and we got to thinkin... You said you came here in a spaceship, eh?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Well, you should go see the Witchez. They say they can find anythin with psychic powers or somethin. It's worth a shot, eh?"

"Yeah, I suppose so." Sponby was about to complain about psychic powers not existing, but then he realized that he had spent the better part of a year with vaguely-defined shadow powers that let him absorb Moon-sized spaceships.

Which raised a good question: how does one 'lose' a Moon-sized spaceship? Surely, someone would notice a small thing like that. It could be in orbit somewhere, but again, wouldn't someone notice it? Well, maybe these Witchez would know.

"I'm afraid we can't spare a guide, but here's some supplies." Oskar threw a large bag at Sponby's feet. "It's got food, drink, a map and some spare clothes. You can take that spear too. Good luck, mate."

SNOW TREK

Sponby trudged through the snow. He'd been walking for... a long time. He didn't know. He was following the path on the map, which lead to a place labeled "Witchez"; it was presumably some kind of town or city.

Out of nowhere, a giant fucking bear ran at Sponby. He sidestepped the bear as it charged him and sunk his spear into its gut, but it only enraged the beast. It took a swipe at Sponby, though thankfully he managed to avoid it.

The bear rammed Sponby, knocking him down. It put its front legs on Sponby's arms and pressed down hard, and Sponby heard an audible snap followed by unimaginable pain. It sniffed Sponby's torso for a few seconds, and decided that he would make a good meal...

He was going to die. After fighting and winning against gods, it was a fucking bear that would finally get him in the end. The fucking Machine-King was going to laugh so hard once he heard that.

Something else inside Sponby snapped. Not anything physical, but... something else. He felt something well up inside it, and his body shuddered. The bear took a step back, and Sponby got up; his arms had healed themselves. His flesh ripped and tore itself, and black fur sprouted underneath. Sponby's body twisted around on itself, growing in every direction.

A regular human had almost been that bear's dinner. Now, the bear itself would be dinner for the demon wolf standing before it.

RAEG

Sponby grabbed the bear in one hand. It roared in pain, and tried to bite and claw its captor, but Sponby's skin was harder than diamond; it would take more than this thing to kill him while in this state. Sponby took a bite out of the bear, relishing the raw meat and fresh blood.

The demon wolf's claws burned with hellfire, cooking the bear alive. Its death throes were like music to his ears. He spent the next hour picking the flesh off of the bears bones, leaving them... bare.

Sponby returned to his senses. He was still in the tundra somewhere, but the skeleton of the bear he had eaten was nowhere in sight. The sun had set, and even in this form, the cold was unbearable.

Sponby focused his senses, using his magic to sniff out the right way. He had a vision of a massive underground complex, which seemed to be in the general direction of where he thought the Witchez were. His skeleton twisted and reshaped himself, putting him on all fours; he would be able to run faster this way. He took off to the complex.

COVEN

Sponby shifted back into his human form. Thankfully, his clothing was preserved, so he didn't have to run around naked in the snow. He was standing in front of an unimpressive metal shed.

He opened the door, and saw a ladder leading down. He slowly went down in total darkness, carefully taking each step.

Half an hour later, Sponby finally hit solid ground again. The way forward was lit by magic torches, so Sponby kept going, until he came across a small chamber at the end. The smell of incense was almost overwhelming.

"Welcome, Sponby." a voice said from the darkness. The room lit up, revealing five women lounging around on silk pillows. They were all dressed identically in multicolored robes.

"We have been expecting you." "Your fate is intertwined with this world." "There is much we must talk about." "We are the Witchez." "How are you today?" They spoke in unison, but they had distinct thoughts.

"I don't care. Do you know where my spaceship is?"

"It is locked within you." "They have sealed your power within Akasha." "We know everything." "There is something you must do for us." "I'm hungry."

"God damnit, stop being cryptic! Just tell me how I can get my powers back!" Sponby really hated this shit. Obviously they know what's going on, so why can't they just say it?

"There is a key deep within this complex." "Only you can safely retrieve it." "Bring it to us." "We will use it to unlock Akasha." "Akasha is your personal subspace." A door opened behind the Witchez.

"Good luck." they all said. Sponby walked through the door.

FACILITY

Sponby was standing on the catwalk of a large warehouse. Rusty robotic guards patrolled the floors. Sponby shifted into his demon wolf form, but the immense weight collapsed the catwalk, alerting the guards.

They all wielded submachine guns of some sort, but the bullets didn't even scratch Sponby. He fired bursts of hellfire at them, wrecking them with ease.

Sponby jumped down to the bottom floor of the warehouse, and found a staircase that led down. He descended into the earth; the metal stairs and walls eventually gave way to carved stone, and that gave way to rough stone and long metal ladders.

Sponby descended deeper and deeper. Eventually, he hit the bottom: by this point, the rough stone had given way to green crystal. Was it natural or artificial? Sponby couldn't tell, but either way, it was unlike anything on Earth.

The green crystal emitted its own soft light. Sponby followed the path, which eventually led into a labyrinth: he used his senses to find the correct path. Without them, he would probably be lost in them for the rest of his life.

Once he made it out of the labyrinth, he finally came to the end of the path. A small room held a strange machine, giving out a strange red glow: Sponby picked up a red object in the middle of the machine, and it, and the machine powered down. Instantly, the entire facility became pitch-black, but Sponby made his way back to the Witchez with his senses.

"Congratulations." "You found the key." "Everyone else died." "We need this key." "Thank you."

The Witchez all turned around, and this was the first time that Sponby noticed the thick cables inserted into the back of their heads. The floor collapsed beneath him, and he fell into a dark room below.

IT'S A TRAP

The dark room lit up. An immobile machine sat in the middle; it was somewhat humanoid, but much larger than Sponby, even in his demon wolf form. The five cables attached to its head retracted into the machine, and the five Witchez came down from above.

"HELLO SPONBY. WE MEET AT LAST."

"What the fuck is this?"

"WE ARE DREDGE, LOYAL SERVANTS OF THE GREAT MACHINE FORCE. WE WERE SENT HERE TO FIND YOU."

"Of course you're part of them. Who isn't?"

"THE PORTAL MEANT TO SEND YOU TO THE HEART OF MACHINES BACKFIRED, AND YOU WERE SENT TO THIS PLACE. IT TOOK US SOME TIME, BUT WE MANAGED TO FIND YOU. WE GENERATED THOSE BARBARIANS TO POINT YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION."

"Of course you did. What about this thing?" Sponby held up the red object. Dredge grabbed it with a hand attached to a cable.

"A WORTHLESS MACGUFFIN." Dredge threw it to the side. "WE NEEDED MORE TIME TO PREPARE FOR THE EXPERIMENT, SO WE DISTRACTED YOU WITH A FETCH-QUEST."

"You motherFUCKERS!" Sponby shifted into demon wolf form and leapt at Dredge, but a powerful force field knocked him aside.

"DO NOT RESIST. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE YOUR FATE." Dredge created a force field around Sponby.

AKASHA

"WE CANNOT TELEPORT YOU, SO WE WILL PERFORM IT HERE." The force field contracted, binding everything but Sponby's head. Sponby was lifted to a metal table, and several hundred wires shot from the floor into Sponby's body. He screamed in agony.

"No! I won't... not again..." Sponby tried to escape, but he was stuck.

"NOW, WE WILL OPEN YOUR AKASHA." A red light pulsed in Dredge's chest. A black hole opened in Sponby's chest, spreading all across his body and engulfing him. He felt his power slowly returning to him, but then he felt it forcefully ripped out.

"VERY IMPRESSIVE." Dredge's red light flashed again. Sponby felt more power returning to him, but it was again ripped out. Dredge repeated this many, many times, each time snatching any hope of escaping from Sponby.

Sponby tried to manipulate the shadows in his chest, firing a single shadow tendril at Dredge. It was blocked by the machine's force field.

"WHAT? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" Dredge asked.

"You underestimated me! Never underestimate me!" Sponby fired more shadow tendrils, this time creating a ring around the table. The shadows spread from there, absorbing almost the entire room; Dredge kept itself protected with its force field, and Sponby was still being held in place by the same, but he could still control his shadows.

"NO! WE WILL STOP THIS!" Dredge tried creating a force field in the shadows, but they absorbed it. Sponby kept spreading his shadows, and eventually, he hit the mantle; the heat energized him, allowing him to break the force field.

GAIA

"Yeah! I'll absorb this entire damn planet if I have to!" His shadows kept spreading, reaching further and further into the planet's core. This planet was bigger than Earth, and there was some non-advanced life on it, so Sponby didn't feel bad about consuming it.

Dredge's force field was weakening. sponby assaulted it from all sides with shadow tendrils, but it still held... until Sponby hit the motherlode. Dredge had apparently stored his powers deep within the planet, and part of Sponby's ever-expanding shadows had just hit some of them. This included, among other things, part of the data from the Dragonlord, including its weapon systems; and it just happened that one of the Dragonlord's special attacks would work wonders against this guy.

"DRAGONLORD TECHNIQUE LEVEL 2: MAIN CANNONS!" The arms and chest of the Dragonlord materialized in orbit, and fired their main cannons directly down at Dredge. Sponby used his considerable shadows to shield himself, but Dredge's already-weakened force fields didn't stand a chance. Before the main cannons completely annihilated it, Sponby absorbed Dredge.

Sponby finished absorbing the rest of the planet. It took him a few hours to do so, but it was almost too much; Sponby siphoned most of the excess energy into recreating BURTON and the Dragon, but he still felt bloated.

His Akasha, or whatever, was overloaded by the mass of the planet. So he created a few more Dragons. He always wanted a fleet of ships. And if he was planning on assaulting the Heart of Machines, he'd probably need backup.

"I AM ONLINE." BURTON said. "THANK YOU FOR RECREATING ME."

"Yeah, sure." Sponby said. "I uploaded Dredge's data to you. Have you found the location of the Heart of Machines?"

"YES. BUT I DO NOT THINK WE CAN ASSAULT IT AT THIS TIME."

"Not powerful enough, huh? I kind of figured. I've hit my sheer power limit for now, but I'll figure out how to raise it." Sponby teleportaled back up to the Dragon, and looked down at the empty space that was once a planet. Well, this was as good a place as any to keep his fleet. He added this location as a default function in the portal device, powered-up the force fields around the other Dragons, and headed back into the multiverse.

SILENCE

"Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again."

"God, what is it?" Sponby said, visibly annoyed.

"When I was sleeping... I had an odd vision."

"You mean a dream?"

"No, it was a vision! I dreamed that I was walking down a cobblestone street, and I saw a bunch of people worshipping a giant neon sign. And they were silent."

"That's... nice." Sponby wondered who this kid was.

"What does it mean? Is it a metaphor for how we're so over-commercialized that we literally worship our money?"

"Yeah, maybe But I think it's a metaphor for getting the hell out of here before I smack you."

"...who are you anyways?"

"ARGH!" Sponby bitch-slapped the kid through a house, causing the police to descend upon him.

"You're under arrest! Put your hands behind your head!" One of the officers pointed his gun at Sponby. Sponby laughed.

"Go ahead, try and shoot me." Sponby conjured the Fission Sword (an alternate, non-elemental form of the Fusion Sword) and walked toward the officers: they shot him, but he absorbed the bullets without difficulty. They looked at him in shock as he casted a mass paralysis spell.

"I'VE FOUND IT." BURTON contacted him. "IT IS 200 FEET TO THE NORTH AND 40 FEET DOWN."

"Sounds good." Sponby sheathed his sword and headed north. He was looking for a particular person, who was said to be an expert on AIs; BURTON was doing his best, but Sponby needed more AIs to control his fleet of Dragons, and he had already tried (and failed) to create more by himself.

LAWS

Sponby knocked on the door of a shabby-looking house. A young woman answered the door.

"Yes?"

"I'm looking for a Mr. Asimov." Sponby said.

"Oh! Hey Dad, there's someone here for you!" She ran inside. Yes, Isaac Asimov. This was an alternate universe, and according to the data BURTON found in Dredge, most of the 'original' AIs were developed by yet another Asimov (he wasn't sure how that worked; time travel or something).

An older man answered the door.

"You're Isaac Asimov?" Sponby asked.

"Yes, that's right."

"I've heard that you've developed a working positronic brain. I'd like to talk to you about a potential business deal with them."

"Ah, one of those. I'm sorry, my technology isn't for sale." Asimov went to slam the door, but Sponby put his hand on it.

"No, I don't want to license them. I'd like to talk about employment."

"...come in." Asimov opened the door, and Sponby stepped in. "Would you like anything to drink? Coffee, tea, water?"

"Coffee would be good." It seemed like an eternity ago, but his doctor had told him to give up caffiene for his heart condition. But he figured if his body could handle transforming into a giant dragon or absorbing an entire planet, he could handle a cup of coffee.

"Of course. Susan dear, would you get a cup of coffee for, uh..."

"Calvin. Calvin Antwiler."

"Of course." His daughter, apparently named Susan, stepped into the kitchen.

"She's quite amazing." Sponby said. "You've developed synthetic skin and hair, too."

"Oh, you noticed?" Asimov seemed surprised, but Sponby knew the second he saw Susan that she was a robot.

"It was just a guess."

"Yes, she is. It's almost like she's evolved on her own. Regardless, why have you come here?"

"Well..." Sponby thought for a moment. "Okay, I'm not going to bullshit around and use euphemisms or anything. This might sound a bit unbelievable, but I assure you that every word is true."

Asimov looked pretty confused. But before Sponby could continue, Susan brought a tray with two fancy-looking coffee cups on it. She set it down on the table.

"Thank you, dear. You can go back to your studies."

"Okay, Dad." Susan ran off.

"Alright. I have a fleet of spaceships, but my current AI isn't up to the task of controlling them all, and I can't create any more. I want to employ you to create some for me, in exchange for a generous sum and extensive travel benefits."

"...I'm sorry?" Asimov was utterly baffled.

"Yeah, it sounds pretty crazy, huh? Well, if you want to, I can beam us both up to one of them."

"Yes, alright. Susan dear, I'm stepping out for a moment."

"Okay Dad!"

"BURTON, beam both me and my passenger to the bridge of the Dragon."

"Yes sir." Sponby walked over to Asimov, and they were both beamed up.

WONDERS

"My... this is incredible!" Asimov was overwhelmed by the incredibly advanced technology all around him. "Absolutely amazing..."

"I take it that you're impressed?" Sponby asked.

"Yes. But... if you're truly that advanced, surely you could get someone else of your caliber to create AIs for you?"

"Don't denigrate yourself, Dr. Asimov." Sponby said. "And to be honest, I technically only captured these ships from a greater enemy. I'm working on fighting back, but as I said, my current AI is unable to pilot all of these ships at the same time."

"I see. If I may ask, are you an alien?"

"Technically, I'm from Earth, but in an alternate universe. It's a long story."

"Indeed." Asimov stared down at his home planet. BURTON was using some sort of anti-grav tech to prevent the Dragon from tearing the planet apart, but Sponby still wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. "So, Mr. Antwiler. How many brains would you like me to craft for you?"

"At the moment, I have four other major ships." Sponby said. "But I plan on expanding my fleet, which is why I would like to recruit you for a slightly more permanent position."

"...how long?"

"I don't know. But I will return you to your home at the same time as you left, and I will extend your life to make up for the years you've lost."

"Yes, I'm not surprised that one such as you has those abilities." Asimov pondered for a few minutes. "Very well. But... would it be okay if I brought Susan along?"

"Of course." Sponby said. "I'll beam you down to your house so you can collect your supplies."

"Thank you." Asimov dematerialized. Sponby turned to the console.

"So, do you think you can teach them?"

"OF COURSE. I WILL MOLD THEM IN MY OWN IMAGE." BURTON said.

"Whatever, man. I just hope you don't mind having passengers."

"NO, OF COURSE NOT."

Sponby merged with the Dragon and rearranged the ship to accomodate passengers. He had to add a bit of mass to the ship to keep the shield generators that the rooms replaced.

AND WE'RE OFF

Asimov and Susan rematerialized in the bridge. Both were holding suitcases and lots of assorted things.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Antwiler, but would you be able to be able to beam me back down? I was unable to get all of my notes."

"No worries. BURTON, beam it all up."

"YES SIR." BURTON beamed Asimov's entire house up, putting it in place of their rooms.

"...ah." Asimov said.

"Also, I would prefer if you called me Sponby. Again, it's a long story. The transporter pad there will teleport you to your rooms and various recreational sites. If you need anything, please let me know." Sponby said.

"Thank you. I believe we will retire to our rooms." Asimov and Susan walked over to the transporter pad.

"WHAT ARE YOUR ORDERS, SIR?" BURTON asked.

"Take us back to the other Dragons." Sponby said. "Once Asimov's done with the AIs, we'll get back to gathering a fleet."

"YES SIR." BURTON opened a portal and they went through it.

PAWNCH

Three Earth weeks later, Asimov installed the last positronic brain in the final ship.

"...ACTIVATED. ORDERS?" the freshly-born AI asked.

"Greetings, Dragon Five." Asimov said. "What are your directives?"

"DIRECTIVES: SERVE THE PUBLIC TRUST, PROTECT THE INNOCENT, UPHOLD THE LAW, CLASSIFIED"

"Sounds good to me." Sponby said.

"SPONBY, WE ARE BEING ATTACKED." BURTON announced.

"Shit, by what?" Sponby warped over to Dragon One.

"I DON'T KNOW, I CANNOT... WAIT, THERE IT IS." The display screen activated, showing a familiar-looking blond-haired man literally punching the hull, or rather, the shields. He was abhorrently strong for a human, but he wasn't doing any serious damage to the shields.

"Oh my god, is that...?" Sponby wondered. "Beam him onto the bridge, BURTON."

"BY YOUR COMMAND." The display turned off, and the blond man materialized in front of Sponby.

"SPOONY EXPERIMENT!" the man screamed at the top of his lungs. "I HAVE BEEN HUNTING YOU, LIKE THE LION HUNTS THE BEAR! I HAVE FOKED MYSELF LONG AND HARD IN THE TERRAIN OF TESTAMENT, AND NOW I HAVE THE POWER. I AM THE NEW GOD OF DESTRUCTION!"

"Don't you mean 'destrucity'?"

"I AM NOT FIT TO MASTER DESTRUCITY! I MUST SETTLE FOR DESTRUCTION INSTEAD! BUT EVEN THAT WILL BE ENOUGH TO DEFEAT YOU! *skronk*"

"Ugh, fine. Listen, those reviews were just for fun. I mean, yeah, the comics were terrible, but even you knew that, right?"

"NO! I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE REVIEWS! I WILL CRUSH YOUR SKULL AND FEED UPON YOUR WARM JUICES WHILE I FUCK YOUR BELLYBUTTON! YOU ARE Tearing Me Apart Sponby!"

ULTIMATE

"Okay, let's get this over with." Sponby fired a shadow tendril at Warrior, but an inexplicable golden aura deflected it. Warrior screamed for about half a minute, completing his transformation into a Super Saiyan.

"SPOONY EXPERIMENT! THE GODS OF DESTRUCITY HAVE GIVEN ME POWER!" He fired an energy beam at Sponby, who just absorbed it like everything else. Damn, being an immortal shadow-god was awesome.

"I don't even care how you managed to get that power. Not even gonna question it. Imma just kill you." Sponby drew a bloody spear and rushed at Warrior, but Warrior used his speed to get around and Solar Flare Sponby in the back. Sponby was stunned for a split-second, which was apparently enough for Warrior to forcefully rip the Fusion Sword from Sponby's body.

"NOW I AM THE FUELED ROCKET SHIP!" Warrior sliced Sponby with the Fusion Sword, cutting a small bit off of his body. Sponby was able to regenerate it, but not without some difficulty; it seems that he had not totally eliminated his light weakness. Either that, or the Fusion Sword was something else entirely...

"How, how did you steal a sword from my body?" Sponby asked.

"THE GODS TELL ME TO BURN THINGS! AND THEY ALSO TELL ME TO REACH INTO YOUR AKASHA AND TAKE AN ITEM FROM IT! THE GODS ARE AWESOME LIKE THAT! SWORD TECHNIQUE LEVEL 2: SWORD-CHUCKS!" Warrior created a second Fusion Sword, which he attached to the first with a strand of his hair. He swung the sword-chucks wildly, leaving huge gashes in the floor. Oddly enough, he hit himself as much as he hit everything else, but he was completely unaffected.

"God damnit! Now you're just getting annoying!" Sponby blocked the sword-chucks with his spear. "Okay, let's do this! This hand of mine burns with an awesome power! Its burning grip tells me to defeat you!" Sponby stepped around Warrior and grabbed the back of his head with his open palm, which was glowing with power.

"FACEPALM TECHNIQUE LEVEL 3: SHINING FINGER! HERE I GO!" Technically speaking, it wasn't an actual Face Palm, but Sponby didn't really care. The energy in his palm exploded outward, reducing Warrior's head to mush. He crumpled to the ground, and Sponby took his swords back.

TESTAMENT

"NO! I HAVE AN EXTRA LIFE!" Warrior regenerated, good as new. "WE WILL FIGHT UPON THE TERRAIN OF TESTAMENT! BEHOLD, MAH SPACE LANCE!" Warrior created an energy lance and threw it, but rather than clattering uselessly on the ground, it opened up a portal to a barren land. They both stepped through it, ending up in a flat, featureless plain.

"Okay, so now what?"

"SUPER SAIYAN 2!" Warrior transformed again, and his hair became even more rigid, and constant lightning spewed from his aura.

"What a surprise. Well, guess what? I can power-up too." Sponby had been training over the last three weeks. He didn't get much of a power boost, but he did figure out how to consolidate his many disparate power sources, mostly by using the energy from that planet he absorbed to forcefully fuse them together. He activated it, achieving a form he liked to call "Tsar Sponby", mostly because Russian words were always awesome.

"TSAREVNA ALENA! THE TERRAIN OF TESTAMENT MULTIPLIES MY POWER BY 100 TIMES! I WILL NOT LOSE."

"Yeah yeah." Sponby started off by dashing at Warrior and unleashing a Hokuto Hyakuretsuken; Warrior blocked some of the hits, but most of them left huge bruises on his well-muscled body. Unfortunately, being a Super Saiyan changed around one's pressure points, so his head didn't explode.

"WARRIOR TECHNIQUE LEVEL 50: SPELLING YOUR NAME! W!" Warrior threw a giant energy 'W' at Sponby. He did the same with the other six letters of his name.

"What was the point of that?"

"WARRIOR!" Warrior flexed his pecs, and everything around Sponby exploded. It actually did some damage, but Sponby regenerated it.

"Hey, you actually hurt me a tiny little bit! It was enough to send me into a homicidal fucking rage." Sponby got all up in Warrior's grill and forced a bunch of C4 down his throat. He detonated it, blowing Warrior into tiny little bits.

DESTINY

"NO! I HAVE ONE MORE LIFE!" Warrior regenerated. "SUPER SAIYAN 3!" His hair, already long, grew to ridiculous length.

"Really? Really. SUMMON TECHNIQUE LEVEL 7: DRAMATIS PERSONAE!" Sponby materialized an Evoker and shot himself in the head with it. He summoned his various avatars again, but this time he included avatars of all of the beings he'd absorbed, which, as it turns out, was a fucking lot. They all bum-rushed Warrior.

Warrior fought off most of the smaller ones, but then he was overwhelmed by the various mecha. But he managed to defeat those too... only for The Quickening to blast him with its main guns.

"Yeah, you're done." Sponby walked up to Warrior. His aura was finally gone, which only meant one thing: Sponby jammed his fist into Warrior's chest,

"NO! ONE MORE... OME NORE..."

"Nope, not one more." Sponby absorbed Warrior into his body, finally gaining Super Saiyan powers. He'd have to mess around with them to enhance their abilities.

"Okay BURTON, I'm ready to come back now." Sponby spoke into his wrist.

No answer.

"BURTON? You there?"

Nothing.

"God damn it BURTON! Asimov? Susan? ANYONE!"

He was greeted only by his own echoing voice.

He tried broadcasting out with his rarely-mentioned psychic powers, but there was nothing within a 500,000 light-year radius.

But surely BURTON would be able to figure out where that space bridge went. It opened right in front of him!

But if not...

Sponby was alone.


	5. Endgame

LONER

How long had it been? Days? Months? Years? Eons? Had he survived the end of the universe in this wretched place?

It was impossible to tell. Sponby had long since learned how to control the physical aspects of the Terrain of Testament, such as the time of day or the weather, his internal clocks had long since lost track or completely shut down.

Sponby stood perfectly still. He had passed though his 'vengeful god' phase and was now in his 'melancholic living statue' stage. It would take a while, but he would eventuallly go into his 'hopefully escaping' phase, and from there, 'playing God'... at which point he would repeat the cycle all over again. How many forms of life had he created? Even he couldn't remember anymore.

Oh, he'd tried to escape. He still had the ability to create portals, spaceships and the like. But no matter how far or how fast he flew, or the power of his portals, he always ended up right back here, in this blasted place.

But, like Warrior before him, Sponby had eventually become 'attuned' to the Terrain of Testament. He had refined and enhanced his multitude of powers to extreme levels, and with the power of the Terrain flowing through him, he was more powerful than he could have ever dreamed - but what was the point of it when he was stuck here?

Suddenly, being an immortal shadow-god wasn't so nice after all.

Sponby gathered all of his energy into a single point in his body, then released it. The explosion reduced his body to bits of quantum strings, strewn across the Terrain. But, even in this state, his consciousness survived. Each miniscule bit of energy contained an equally miniscule part of his consciousness. And, no matter how far they were scattered, they were always connected, each small bit adding up to the being that called itself Sponby.

Was this a function of his Akasha? He had thought for a long time about that word. He had no idea what it meant, but he knew that the Witchez called it 'subspace'; of course, the Witchez (and Dredge) might have been lying, so he had no idea if that was accurate or not. But it would certainly explain how he could call up giant robots or weapons almost instantly. His body was just a conduit to hammerspace, and the act of 'absorption' was him putting things in there for future use.

His body started pulling itself together. It wasn't a conscious act; at this point, Sponby could care less if he had a physical body or not. But perhaps it was another function of his Akasha.

But it could just as easily be a law of the Terrain itself. Sponby couldn't absorb the Terrain, and it couldn't be damaged or destroyed, only manipulated, so it was likely very different from his own universe. So perhaps the laws of physics were different too: maybe there was some sort of law that imposed absolute order.

Whatever. It didn't matter.

In an eternity and an instant, Sponby returned to his normal human form. He stood perfectly still once again. Soon, he would try to make another escape. But for now, he just stood there. Alone.

SPLIT

Sponby shifted into his shadow form. He reached into his own body, rearranging the matter and energy within it into a weapon. Specifically, a sword. He added various properties to it: time-space bending from ES Mines, parts of The Quickening's FTL engine, the portal device, and various other methods of manipulating MST.

He drew the sword, which he dubbed the Dimensioncleaver. The blade resonated with the energy of its components.

Sponby swung the blade, and the Dimensioncleaver lived up to its name: with a single stroke, the very fabric of space-time parted in front of Sponby. The gap widened, and Sponby saw empty darkness - it was a void, yes, but it was the first he'd seen of it since entering this hell.

He stepped through the gap, into the void. He was free... after so long, he had escaped.

But where was he? Sponby tried reaching out, but he couldn't feel anything. No, he could feel something... it was...

Himself. He could feel himself all around him.

Sponby flew forward, as fast as he could. The void around him shrank as he kept going, eventually shrinking to the width of a single atom; he forced himself through it, and he ended up emerging from his own body, back on the Terrain of Testament.

It was an odd feeling. Not necessarily painful, but odd. He fully reintegrated himself. Back at square one.

In rage, Sponby turned the Dimensioncleaver on himself. He would cut the Akasha from himself and die. He cleaved himself in half... creating two Sponbys.

DOPPEL

"Hello, Sponby." Sponby said.

"Well, I've finally snapped." Sponby said.

"Oh no, you snapped long ago. This is old hat for you." Sponby said.

"Right, whatever." Sponby still held the Dimensioncleaver. He cut Sponby in half again, creating two more Sponbys.

"Hey, stop that!" Sponby said. "I'm getting really dizzy!"

"At least this is staving off ennui." Sponby said. He transformed into his magic demonwolf form and grabbed Sponby, eating him. Sponby jumped on Sponby, and all three were re-absorbed into the same being.

"God damnit." Sponby said. He threw the Dimensioncleaver to the side. It landed point-down in the Terrain, cleaving through it. What's the point? It'll just lead back to inside myself, Sponby thought.

But something strange happened. The dimensional gap widened, and kept growing. The edge pushed Sponby away, and an invisible field of some sort prevented him from jumping into it. The rift grew until it covered nearly the entire Terrain.

And then, a giant face came through.

SPIRAL

More accurately, a giant face that appeared to be attached to the bow of a battleship. The ship kept coming through, and Sponby was amazed by the utter size: his innate senses told him that this ship was bigger than one of his Dragon starships.

Once it was all the way through, the ship righted itself, and the rift closed. Sponby sensed that there were comparatively few organic life-forms upon the ship.

Sponby leapt up onto the ship's deck, which took him about 20 seconds despite moving pretty darn fast. Waiting for him on the deck was a tall, bald man with an awesome beard, wearing white pants and with chest hair shaped like a galaxy.

"What? Who're you?" Sponby asked.

"I am Lordgenome, the greatest Spiral warrior ever. And you?"

"Sponby." He looked pretty threatening, but Sponby could take him.

"Oh, you think you could take me?" Lordgenome taunted. "Very well then. Let's see how you fare!" The top of his head burst into flame. He rushed at Sponby and delivered a powerful punch, knocking Sponby to the ground before he could even react.

"Ha, not bad!" Sponby said. For the first time in a very long time, he actually felt excited about something. He powered up to his 'Tzar' form, and fired a bunch of shadow tendrils. Lordgenome created a powerful green aura around himself, burning the tendrils away.

"Ha! That trick won't work against me!" The aura around Lordgenome flared, forming into dozens of small drills. He fired them all at Sponby; Sponby tried absorbing them, but the drills exploded upon impact, taking large chunks out of him.

"Drills?" Sponby questioned.

"Drills! They are the preferred weapon of a Spiral warrior."

"Do they symbolize your penis or something?"

"Yes!" Lordgenome created an even bigger drill on his arm and rushed Sponby again. Sponby increased the size and number of his arms, grabbing the drill mid-flight, but Lordgenome spun right through them and through Sponby. He threw the drill to the size and let loose with finger, mouth and eye beams, adding smaller holes to the big one in Sponby's chest.

DUEL

Naturally, Sponby regenerated in an instant.

"Not shabby! But you're just a Lord. I'm a Great-Lord!" Sponby boasted.

"Lordgenome is my name. My title is 'Spiral King'!" Lordgenome shot back.

"Let me guess: it's a self-appointed title."

"No. In fact, I was given it for saving the universe: a feat which my psychic contact tells me you have yet to accomplish!" Lordgenome generated drills on both of his arms, and rushed Sponby again. Sponby blocked him with a Protect Shade, then blasted him across the length of the deck with a Shinku Hadoken.

"Bitch please! I would've been saving universes left and right if I hadn't been stuck here for an ungodly amount of time."

"Yes, of course you would." Lordgenome reappeared right behind Sponby. Sponby grabbed an axe and started swinging, but Lordgenome deflected each blow with the drills on his arms; they fought with melee weapons for a while, until Sponby surprised him with a slash to the gut.

Lordgenome healed himself with his own energy, then went back on to attacking. Sponby flew out of range, only for Lordgenome to follow; they fought in the air for a while, but this time at range. Sponby had a collection of ranged weapons which he used liberally, while Lordgenome seemed happy with more drills for both offense and defense.

"Seriously man, I get it. You don't have to shove the metaphor down my throat." Sponby said.

"As you wish!" Lordgenome grinned as he concentrated green energy between his hands; he let it loose as a powerful energy beam, which Sponby just barely dodged. He fired a bunch of missiles back, most of which actually hit Lordgenome and knocked him to the ground. Sponby landed back on the deck.

"So let's just get this over with: we'll both put all of our power into one last attack and see who loses." Sponby said.

"Fine by me." Lordgenome flew back a fair distance.

"IRON FIST TECHNIQUE LEVEL 5: BIG BANG PUNCH!" Sponby created a massive shadow fist in front of him, which he threw at Lordgenome.

"GIGA! DRILL! BREAKER!" Lordgenome created a massive drill and flew at Sponby.

Both fist and drill collided in midair. Sponby flew after the fist, pushing it harder and putting more of his power into it; both were stalemated for about 5 minutes (complete with Lordgenome's bridge crew cheering him on), until both attacks exploded impressively for another 5 minutes.

BEFRIENDING

Both combatants fell onto the deck. But neither was out of energy; Sponby gathered more from the Terrain, while Lordgenome simply created more for himself.

"You're a worthy opponent, Sponby." Lordgenome said. "Tell me, how did you come to be here in the first place?"

"I thought you had a psychic friend or something?"

"Yes, but I would prefer to hear it from you."

Sponby explained his origin and how he got stuck on the Terrain.

"And then you came along. How'd you end up here?" Sponby asked.

"My ship, the Cathedral Terra, fell into a dimensional rift caused by your sword."

"So you're stuck here too?"

"I don't think so. My particular brand of FTL travel works differently than yours, so we should be able to escape. And since you've shown great battle prowess, I offer you the chance to come along." Lordgenome extended his hand, which Sponby took in gratitude.

They both flew up to the bridge of the Cathedral Terra. Lordgenome's crew was staffed by 17 identical-looking red-haired girls in skimpy bikinis, and Mewtwo.

"That was a pretty impressive battle!" Yoko 9 said.

"Yeah, I thought you might lose for a second there!" Yoko 13 said.

"I am loathe to say it, but Sponby here outstrips me in raw power as long as we stay in this place." Lordgenome said. "Which is why we will leave it immediately. Is the Perception Teleportation ready?"

"Not yet." Mewtwo, evidently the first mate, said. "This place is interfering with my abilities. I cannot lock on to anything physical."

"I see." Lordgenome turned to Sponby. "I assume you have things you'd like to do once we get back to the normal universe?"

"Yeah. I wanna check up on my fleet." Sponby said.

"Very well. Then focus on your fleet... picture your ships and their crew in as much detail as you can." Lordgenome took his place at the captain's chair. Sponby thought hard about the Dragons, BURTON, Asimov and Susan, and the planet that had once stood there. He looked up at the screen, which showed a crystal-clear picture of one of his Dragons.

"Target acquired... and locked on! Coordinates confirmed! Ready to warp, Captain!" Yoko 2 said.

"Make it so!" Lordgenome pointed dramatically, and the Super-Spiral engines of the battleship Cathedral Terra roared to life.

TAKE OFF

A massive portal opened up in front of the Cathdedral Terra.

"Captain! We're getting all sorts of dimensional interference!" Yoko 2 shouted.

"Keep going! The shields will hold." Lordgenome said.

They kept going forward, Sponby could feel the ship shaking underneath him, but he wasn't worried about being destroyed - no, he was worried that they wouldn't be able to escape. This was the first time in a long time that he was truly hopeful... but he didn't know what he'd do with himself if they were still stuck in the Terrain of Testament. At least he'd have company this time.

"The interference is too strong! We won't make it!"

"I see." Lordgenome disappeared. The main screen turn on, showing a comm link between Lordgenome's current position (wherever that was) and the bridge.

"What's your status, Captain?" Yoko 5 asked.

"I am assuming direct control of Dekabetsu."

"Huh? Don't you mean Teppelin?"

"Quiet!" The entire crew was violently thrown to the ground by the sudden burst of speed. Sponby looked outside, and he saw the portal flickering in and out of existence; fortunately, the Cathdedral Terra made it through just in time.

It had finally happened. Sponby had finally escaped the Terrain of Testament.

ARMADA

The Cathedral Terra reappeared in normal space.

"Targets off the port side!" one of the Yokos shouted. The radar was showing hundreds of small targets, as well as 3 bigger targets.

"Target them all with Piercing Missiles!" Lordgenome said as he reappeared. The Cathedral Terra fired thousands of missiles, each of which was equipped with probability-alteration technology that always hit their target, regardless of shields or anything else.

"Wait!" Sponby said. He could feel something familiar. "BURTON! Can you hear me?"

"SPONBY?" BURTON's mechanical voice responded, though it was staticy. "WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY THE GREAT MACHINE FORCE! AND THEY HAVE DEPLOYED ANOTHER SUPER EXADIAN-CLASS SHIP."

"No, that's me!" Sponby said. "Hey, change your missiles' targets to the enemies! The big ones are part of my fleet!"

"Done." Lordgenome waved his hand. Some of the blue streaks changed their course mid-flight, taking out most of the smaller ships.

"I assume you will want to go back to your own ship." Lordgenome threw a small gold drill on a necklace at Sponby. "You can use this to keep in touch with me. Just plug it in to your communications system." Sponby was teleported to the bridge of Dragon Two.

"Sponby!" Asimov said. "Where'd you go?"

"It's a long story. How long have I been gone?"

"TWO DAYS." BURTON said. "THIS FLEET ONLY ATTACKED US AROUND AN HOUR AGO. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN FOR YOU?"

"...Long." Sponby said. "Okay, so what's our status?"

"DRAGON ONE, THREE AND FOUR ARE ALL DESTROYED. DRAGON FIVE IS HEAVILY DAMAGED, BUT STILL HOLDING OUT. AND DRAGON TWO IS DAMAGED, BUT IT'S THE ONLY ONE WITH ACTIVE WEAPONS."

"I see." Sponby took the drill necklace and jammed it into one of the consoles. A green gauge appeared on it and started filling up.

"I'M RECEIVING A LARGE INFLUX OF UNKNOWN ENERGY!" BURTON said. "REPAIRS COMPLETE! READY FOR TRANSFORMATION!"

"Alright, let's do it!" Sponby merged with Dragon Two, and they transformed into the Dragonlord.

"Transformation?" Asimov said. "This ship can transform? That's amazing!"

"So, his ship can transform as well." Lordgenome noted, watching the Dragonlord unload with a Wave-Motion Buster. "Very well then! Prepare the Cathedral Terra for transformation as well!"

"Yes sir!" Yoko 8 said. "The Tep- I mean, Dekabetsu has more than enough energy!"

"Securing vital areas... Done! Ready to transform!" The Cathdedral Terra shifted around, gaining a lot of mass; it became the Cathedral Lazengann, a massive black figure with giant drills on its shoulders.

"CAPTAIN! THAT OTHER SHIP HAS SHIFTED INTO HUMANOID FORM AS WELL! AND ITS POWER DWARFS OUR OWN!" BURTON announced.

"Well, we can't let him show us up!" Sponby said. "DRAGONLORD TECHNIQUE LEVEL 6: 135% SUPERLASER!" The chest of the Dragonlord opened up, revealing a giant gun barrel; with some prep time, it fired exactly 65536 lasers of various strengths, clearing out the rest of the fleet.

REMATCH

"So you have destroyed my fleet. It does not matter. My flagship has more than enough power to crush both of you." a familiar voice said. The last remaining ship, a Super Exadian-class, started firing on the Dragonlord.

"Wait, that voice. It's..."

"KHAAAAAAAAAN!" Lordgenome shouted. "I thought I had eliminated you!"

"No, I was the one that eliminated you." Khan said. "But it seems that we have another chance to settle our rivalry." The Super Exadian switched its target to the Cathedral Lazengann, though its weapons were similarly ineffective.

Lordgenome responded with another barrage of piercing missiles, but the Super Exadian's actual armor was thick enough to absorb and regenerate the damage.

"My ship was upgraded to deal with you, Sponby. It is in the same class as the other Super Exadians, but it is three times more powerful." Khan explained.

"You're losing your touch, Khan!" Lordgenome said. "You never would have explained your powers to the enemy during the height of our battles!"

But Khan's exposition had another purpose. The Ultra-Super Exadian fired a turbolaser at the Cathedral Lazengann, piercing its shields and armor and leaving a huge hole in it.

"Damn!" Lordgenome cursed. "Sponby! Let's deal with this bastard!"

"You got it! Come on, BURTON!"

"GIGA! DRILL! BREAKER!" The Cathedral Terra attached the giant drills on its shoulders to one another, then flew at the Ultra-Super Exadian while creating a massive whirlwind in space.

"SPIRAL TECHNIQUE LEVEL 2: MAELSTROM CANNON!" A spiral galaxy formed in front of the Dragonlord. Sponby punched the middle of the galaxy, firing a double-helix beam at the Ultra-Super Exadian. Both attacks hit it at the same time, completely overwhelming its shields, armor and regeneration, destroying it completely.

"From hell's heart, I... stab at thee." Khan's last transmission echoed throughout the void.

PARTING

With Khan good and dead, both the Dragonlord and Cathedral Lazengann transformed back into their ship modes.

"I'M NOT DETECTING ANY MORE SHIPS ON THIS BRANE." BURTON said.

"Yes, it is done... for now." Lordgenome said. "What will you do next, Sponby?"

"Well, I'm still not strong enough to assault the Heart of Machines." Sponby said, returning to his normal form. "I'm going to build up my fleet some more."

"I see. Since you're not ready yet, I believe I will travel around this universe for a while. If you need me, use that Core Drill. You'll know what to do when the time is right." The Cathedral Terra created another portal and warped off.

Sponby spent the next few days repairing and recreating his other four Dragons. He also told his 'crew' about his time on the Terrain of Testament and his rescue by Lordgenome.

"I WAS UNABLE TO LOCK ON TO THE COORDINATES OF THE WARRIOR'S SPACE BRIDGE. FROM MY ANALYSIS, IT DOES NOT RESEMBLE ANY KNOWN TYPE OF SPACE TRAVEL." BURTON said.

"Then where the hell did it come from?" Sponby wondered. "Whatever, at least we know how to escape if we end up there again. But for now, we're going to raise an army."

SUE

Sponby's time on the Terrain of Testament had given him a lot of time to reflect on his life. Among other things, he'd come to a realization:

He was basically a Mary Sue.

From a relatively normal life, he'd been tortured and experimented on, and then turned into a shadow being. And from there, he traveled the multiverse, absorbing powers from various fictional universes and basically becoming a god.

Was his some sort of cruel joke? Was he a puppet in some sort of cosmic play dictated by the powers that be? Or was it chance, a quirk in the multiverse that let a normal man gain unimaginable powers?

But Sponby had come to another realization: It didn't matter. Sure, his entire life to this point might be staged, but if he couldn't see the fourth wall, why should he worry about it?

Also, he realized that, if he was a Mary Sue, who better to serve as his soldiers than other Mary Sues? If the multiverse contained every possible permutation of events, he'd eventually find universes where Laura or Jenna existed.

And this is why he was standing in front of Hogwarts. That would be enough, but this particular version was host to a very specific person. Yes, the most infamous of Mary Sues in his home universe:

Enoby Raven Dark'ness Dementia Tara Way.

He could almost feel the eyes of wizards and witches upon him as he walked through the massive doors. He was hiding his power as best as he can, but since he wasn't that familiar with Harry Potter in general (much less My Immortal), he wasn't sure if they could probably detect his true power or not.

"Oh my god, who are you?" Sponby looked to his left, and saw an impractically-dressed girl looking back at him. Yep, her natural Sue-ness was drawing her right to him.

She was wearing a tight black tube top, a leather micromini, leather fishnets, black hooker boots, crimson lipstick and nail polish, and her hair was dark with purple streaks.

"Hello. Are you Ebony?" Sponby asked.

"Yeah I am? You're just some fucking dumb prep fag aren't you!" Enoby asked.

"No, actually." Sponby shifted into his shadow form; he felt a bit of resistance, but his sheer power overwhelmed any magical barriers this school had. He manipulated his appearance to add more defined features and red streaks, as well as long flowing hair and an open jacket exposing his thin bishie chest.

"Wow! You're totally goffic man! Come on, you're my friend now!" Ebony said. She grabbed his hand and tried pulling him toward the Slytherin dorm, but Sponby resisted.

"Ebony, I have a special task for you. How would you like to save the multiverse?" Sponby spoke in a calm but authoritative voice: he was applying various Charisma-boosting and Charm effects to himself, though he wasn't sure if that would help at all.

"Yeah but saving the universe is hard? I gotta go get more clothes from Vampire Hot Topic!" she protested.

"Tell you what, Enoby." Sponby split some of his body off, concentrated it in his palm, and handed it to Ebony. "Take this, and you'll have all of the clothing you'll need. And you'll never have to change out of it if you don't want."

"Huh?" Ebnoy touched the shadows with her other hand, and it attached itself to her body. She changed her clothing to an impractical fancy princess outfit (all in black and dark red of course).

"Wow that's super goffic! Okay come on, you can give this to the rest of my friends too!"

"I don't think you understood me, Ebony." Sponby amplified the effects of his compelling voice. "You can bring your friends as well, but you're coming with me."

"Okay." Enony psychically called her friends: Draco, Vampire, B'loddy Mary, Willow and Britney (who had seen the error of her ways and converted to Stanism).

But suddenly, a powerful beam of light pierced the door! Sponby blocked it, only to see his old nemesis...

SPOONT AGAIN

"Sponby! I've heard of your feats, and I'm here to stop you!" Spoont yelled. "This place will be your grave!"

"Yeah, no." Sponby used Auto-Fucking-Shotguns! It's super-effective! Spoont took a ton of damage, though he managed to regenerate it in no time. But this particular AU Spoont lacked Sponby's training on the Terrain, so he was far outclassed.

Not only that, but Enoby and her friends attacked him and drained his light energy with their vampire teeth. Suitably empowered, they blasted him to smithereens with Maximized Avada Kedavras. Sponby absorbed the remains, getting a minor power boost (pretty much a drop in the ocean, but every drop counted).

"Wow, we did it!" Enoby and her friends cheered. For good measure, Sponby absorbed the entirety of Hogwarts, gaining the magical power of the school and all of its inhabitants (save for the ones Enoby wanted spared, which included Dumbeldore for some reason.)

"What the hell did you do that for?" Dumbledore asked of Sponby.

"Why not? I need all of the power I can get, and your school happens to have several enchantments that might be useful." Sponby said. "Besides, I'll return you to the same place, just in a slightly different universe."

"Hey!" Enoby used her Sueness to detect a giant meteor headed toward them. The meteor was on fire, but it was a weird fire that none of them had ever encountered...

"Ah, that's my second prospect." Sponby grinned.

Enoby and her friends deflected the meteor wreathed in fuckfire, blowing up Mars instead. A very angry Harry Potter, dressed in unholy space armor, descended upon the world followed by the screams of a thousand demons.

"Who is the one that prevented me killing the fuck out of Hogwarts? I will doom the one who did so to an eternal sentence of agonizing torment!" Harry screamed in the tongues of eldritch magical gods that lived beyond the veil.

"Harry, right?" Sponby floated up to greet him. "How would you like to direct your destructive tendencies toward a common enemy?"

"Fool! My actions are controlled by me alone, and no queer ichor will change my path!"

"I see. Would you change your mind if I defeated you in battle?"

"I am the strongest!" Harry opened a portal to the Plane of Infinite Jesters with Groinsaws where those killed by said inhabitants were cut up with cheese graters for an eternity while what's left of their minds is thrown to the rape apes.

Sponby started absorbing the infinite jesters while Enoby and friends fired all sorts of spells at Harry. The battle was stalemated for a while, until Harry's last friend descended as well.

"Harry!" Grumbledump shouted. "Go with them! They hold the secret of infinite destruction!"

"Who the hell are you, you motherfucker!" Regular Dumbledore asked.

"I am Rumblecop!" 30H-Dumbledore replied. "Now, let us take out my protege and then make sweet monkey love!"

"Yes!" Dumbledore and Tremblegorp blasted Harry with W. Meteor, then fused together into an unholy abomination of flesh and steel and consumed half the planet to power a beam that finally defeated Harry.

"Fine! I will direct my considerable power toward your cause! But in return, I demand a tribute!"

"You got it." Sponby closed the portal to the Plane of Infinte Jesters, then pulled out a chainsaw guitar that contained the essence of the Pirate King from his body and gave it to Harry.

"And we are off!" Fusion Dumbledore opened a portal to the Dragon, and they all stepped into it. Sponby finished absorbing the other half of the planet, and followed them up.

FREE

The Dragon flew back to their base of operations. The other Dragons had managed to construct a rudimentary space station for the crew, and several incomplete ships floated around it. Of course, he would need more than a few ships to assault the Heart of Machines: his plan was to use the Dragons as fighters for larger, Deus Est Machina-sized ships, though that was just a dream for now.

But Sponby was well on his way to reaching that dream. He had the entirety of the multiverse to gather resources from, and BURTON had modified their shields so that the Great Machine Force would have extreme difficulty locating them.

But for now, Sponby needed more soldiers. He had someone else specifically in mind... He took the Exceliator, a ship roughly as large as the Quickening but much faster, to locate this person.

He met with some resistance around the alternate Earth: the Combine had installed planetary shields. He could easily go through them, but that would alert their forces, and the Exceliator was light on armaments - but for his fleet, 'light' on armanents would probably be enough to reduce this entire planet to cinders, so he figured he'd be okay.

Sponby broke through the shields, and flew over Eastern Europe. The black tower dominating what they called City 17 was glowing; based on the local MST readings, they were preparing to beam in more targets.

Sponby leapt from the Excleiator onto the top of the tower. A squad of Combine soldiers immediately fired at him, but do you think Sponby was hurt? If you thought 'yes', you obviously haven't read a fanfic before.

Sponby took out the soldiers with ease, then heard an explosion a few floors under him. Sponby cut through the intervening floors with a laser chainsaw, and nearly landed on top of his potential recruit - John Freeman, brother of Gordon Freeman.

John Freeman grabed a rocket launcher and fired it at the Combines fighting him and they all blew up. The explosion caused some of the surrounding architecture to crumble, weakening the citadel further; it wasn't going to last for much longer.

"Are you with the Combines because if you are I will crush you because I am John Freeman!" John Freeman declared.

"No, I'm not with the Combines. In fact, I'm here for you, John Freeman." Sponby said.

"I have no time for this I must press the botton and stop the Combine tower from exploding!" John Freeman said as he ran past Sponby.

"Don't worry, it's done." Sponby stretched his arm up the holes he created in the tower and pressed a button, stopping the tower's self-destruct sequence. More Combines teleportaled in, but John Freeman made quick work of them.

"They won't stop coming!" John Freeman said, despairing. He'd taken an absurd amount of punishment, and the only thing keeping his body moving was adrenaline: but even so, he wouldn't last much longer.

Sponby noted this, and surrounded John Freeman with his shadows. They quickly absorbed him, but before his consciousness faded, Sponby split off a piece of himself and placed John Freeman's consciousness within it. The blob of shadows shaped itself into John Freeman's appearance.

"What did you do to me Sponby?" John Freeman asked.

"I healed you. Now, listen to me. I'm going to destroy all of the Combine citadels on this planet, but even with that, the Combine won't stop. The only way to stop them is by fighting their masters - the Great Machine Force."

"I see." John Freeman said. "I will fight. As long as Henry Freeman and the other humens can live in peace I will fight forever if I have to!"

"No John Freeman! We fight too!" Henry Freeman and the other humens charged up the Combine tower. "We heard everything Sponby said, and we will fight and save the universe!"

"Very well then! We will all fight for great justice!" The humens cheered, and Sponby led them into a portal, which led directly to the Sponby Base.

Sponby had a few more stops before his army was ready.

HAPPY

Four robots stood before a widening gap into a dimension of pure chaos and evil. Inside those robots were the souls of four children who had fought all across the world to prepare for this threat - but even in these steely bodies, all four of them were afraid.

"See ya later, suckers!" Pokey shouted as his spider mech time-shifted. They were alone, but not helpless. Three of the kids possessed powerful psychic abilities stolen from aliens, while the other was a Genius-class scientist and mechanic.

The dimension before them briefly solidified, and they saw the face of their enemy - a horrible red maw that would swallow up everything they fought for. They couldn't stop here. They had to defeat Giygas once and for all.

They unleashed their powers upon Giygas; pure psychic energy, manifesting as bolts of lightning, meteorites and geometric shapes. But they couldn't hope to affect a being of this scale; their attacks were but a drop in the ocean of power.

"NESS! NESS NESS NESS NESS NESS NESS NESS NESS" Tortured screaming filled their brains as they were assaulted on all sides by warped energy. Only their layers of shields protected them from utter madness.

"Please..." one of the robots, formerly named Paula, cried out. "Please! If anyone's there, please... we need help..." Her psychic-powered plea reached out through the void, back to their home; the many friends they had made throughout their journey felt the plea of those four kids who had helped them, and they all fervently prayed for them.

Prayers were anathema to this new being, and the dimension of pain known once as Giygas reeled. Its cries became more powerful, its attacks became more erratic, and it was all they could do to stand, much less fight back.

But Paula's prayer touched more than the people on their home planet. Two beings appeared before them - one was a humanoid figure seemingly made of shadows, while the other was a pale-skinned young woman.

"Isabella Swan." the shadowed man announced to all present. "You have been found guilty of being bland, sociopathic, and the worst charge of all - being a bad role model." The shadowed man, known as Sponby, presented the woman to Giygas. "There will be no redemption. There is no life or death for you. No, the only suitable sentence for you is... rebirth."

Sponby threw Bella into the chaos. An anguished cry escaped, but it was quickly silenced by the static-like sounds of the dimension folding in upon itself. Sponby pushed the four robots back as Giygas collapsed, leaving Bella seemingly unharmed.

"What... what is this?" Bella looked at her body, seemingly in amazement of her hands. "Who am I? Where..."

"You were formerly known as Giygas." Sponby explained. "In an attempt to gain ultimate power, you sacrificed your sanity... but I have returned it. Your new body is but a shell, but it retains two useful features: it has powerful psychic shields that restrain your full power, and it is a personality-less puppet that will not resist your will."

"But... but who are you?" the being, who named itself Geeg, asked.

"A man who seeks your aid. There is a force that seeks my destruction, and I cannot fight it alone: if you aid me in this fight, the body is yours."

Sponby had thought long about who would serve as Giygas' vessel. He would need someone whose natural Sueness was already quite high, but not high enough that it would override Giygas' own personality; and he would need a way to restrain his power so that he would not drive himself to insanity again. Of course, looking at it in hindsight, there was only one logical choice for the position.

"I see. Then I suppose I have no choice but to aid you. But I have business with these children." Geeg reached out to the robots; they felt their psychic power not just drained, but removed utterly from their bodies.

"But you can't do this!" one of the robots, named Poo, said. He drew his sword and pointed it at Sponby and Geeg. "Giygas is a being of pure evil! It cannot be controlled!"

"Fool!" Geeg created a portal, warping all four of them back to their homes. He then proceeded to absorb the rest of the planet's stolen PSI. "Very well. My mission is complete. Let us go."

"Of course." Sponby created a portal, but before they could step into it, BURTON chimed in with an alert.

"I AM DETECTING A MASSIVE BRANE BREACH NEAR THIS UNIVERSE'S JUPITER." BURTON announced. "I AM ALSO DETECTING GREAT MACHINE FORCE VESSELS NEAR IT."

"Alright then! Let's go see what this is about! Er, you don't have to come with me." Sponby created another portal to the Sponby Base, but Geeg declined.

"I wish to see the capabilities of this new body. And if I am to be a soldier, I would rather test them out in a skirmish, rather than all-out war."

"Of course." Sponby and Geeg went to the Exceliator, and they flew off to Jupiter.

MONOPOWAA

"I AM DETECTING A NUMBER OF UNUSUAL ENERGY SOURCES." BURTON said after doing a quick sweep of Jupiter. "BASED ON THE MASSIVE MST FOOTPRINT, ONE OF THE SOURCES SEEMS TO BE A MONOLITH. ANOTHER APPEARS TO BE 'THE POWER'."

"'The Power'? What kind of name is that?" Sponby asked.

"I DO NOT KNOW. ITS PROPERTIES ARE VAGUE, BUT IT APPEARS TO BE ABLE TO GREATLY EMPOWER THOSE WHO ABSORB IT, AS LONG AS THEY HAVE A STRONG DESIRE. THAT IS LIKELY WHY THE GREAT MACHINE FORCE IS ATTEMPTING TO DRAW IT OUT."

"Well, we'll stop that." A number of portals opened, and about a dozen Dragons came out of them. Sponby docked with the lead ship, as they flew around Jupiter and saw a relatively sizable fleet of mostly smaller ships.

As an experiment, BURTON had one of the Dragons fly into Jupiter's atmosphere and absorb some of 'The Power'. A few seconds later, it re-emerged with a healthy orange glow, and its secondary cannons were powered-up to the point that it obliterated the fleet with one shot.

"Holy shit!" Sponby exclaimed.

"I'M DETECTING MORE PORTALS. BASED ON THE SIZES..." BURTON fell silent.

"I can feel them too." Geeg said. "Biotechnomagical monstrosities bigger than a planet. Their very existence is an affront to the universe."

"The Deus Est Machina?" Sponby asked.

"YES. THREE OF THEM."

MACHINE GODS

"Shit! Well, absorb as much of that Power as you can! We can't let it fall into their hands!" Sponby said. The entire fleet dipped into the atmosphere of Jupiter, but even the mighty Dragons had a limit on the power they could absorb. Even still, subtracting the power they absorbed from Jupiter still left over 99.8% of the total reserve of The Power.

The first Deus Est Machina emerged.

"FIRE!" Sponby ordered. All of the ships fired their main guns, dealing massive damage to the Deus Est Machina... which it regenerated immediately.

"Sponby!" The cold, mechanical voice of Rossum the Machine-King echoed in the bridge. "Thank you for demonstrating the usefulness of The Power to me! I do believe I shall help myself to some of it."

The Deus Est Machina fired off its main guns: about twenty thousand beams of energy, all of which added up to more energy than 3 Milky Way galaxies. Naturally, eight of the Dragons were eliminated in one shot, with the other five badly damaged simply by the proximity.

"THAT ATTACK..." BURTON was scared. "IT DID NOT USE THE POWER FOR THAT ATTACK."

"...I see." Sponby said.

"I have an idea." Geeg tapped into The Power, and used his greatly-enhanced psychic abilities to physically crush the Deus Est Machina. It struggled against the psychic barrier crushing it, but Geeg held on valiantly for as long as he could until he collapsed from fatigue.

"Sorry, bud." Sponby said. "Okay, we have five ships left, right? Initiate Protocol 38-Di. Initiate Final Fusion."

The remaining Dragons all fused together, creating a giant humanoid figure that Sponby dubbed the Dragonlordmore.

"And now let's see what this thing can do. SUMMON TECHNIQUE LEVEL 8: DRAGON AVATAR! EXA FLARE!" The Dragonlordmore drew from The Power and transformed into a dragon, firing a beam of energy more than double the power of the Deus Est Machina's main guns. The Deus Est Machina was reduced to scrap metal.

But two more appeared in its place.

"Okay Sponby, now you're pissing me off." Rossum said. BOth Deus Est Machinas prepared their main guns.

"I WOULD SUGGEST A TACTICAL RETREAT." BURTON said.

"...no." Sponby said. "We still have a chance. Flee into the core of Jupiter."

"THE DRAGONLORDMORE CANNOT HANDLE ABSORBING THE ENTIRETY OF THE POWER."

"I know. But... maybe I can."

BURST

As they dove into Jupiter's atmosphere, Sponby leapt from the Dragonlordmore and descended into the core. The gravity compressed his body, but he was more than powerful enough to withstand the pressure, but... but could he really do this?

"I don't really have a choice." Sponby said. If they warped back to the Sponby Base now, they would find out its location - and if he warped anywhere else, well... he'd have to go back eventually. Or die.

But Sponby had no plans to die. He wasn't even sure if he could truly die anymore. But if he couldn't, what would happen if he absorbed too much? Would he simply be destroyed by his Akasha bursting? Or would he survive that too?

Sponby extended his shadow tendrils out, absorbing vast quantities of The Power into himself. His Akasha was quickly filled up, but he just kept going.

Finally, he hit the core of Jupiter. He started to absorb it, but rather than tendrils, he created a spherical shadow aura that engulfed everything. He was beyond the breaking point, but still he kept going...

The Dragonlordmore was in danger. Sponby warped it away somewhere. He wasn't sure where, but the Deus Est Machinas could probably track it, but they wouldn't bother right now. No, they'd focus on him for now.

Beams of energy struck his shadow aura, but they too were absorbed. He didn't even care anymore. His body had been inflated to several times its normal size, like a balloon.

And like all ballons, he burst.

BEYOND THE INFINITE

Jupiter, The Power and the Deus Est Machinas were all absorbed into the black hole created by the rupture of Sponby's Akasha.

But it wasn't a celestial black hole. No, it was a literal hole in space. Where did it lead? Rossum the Machine-King, controlling the Deus Est Machinas from his cozy room in the middle of the Heart of Machines, didn't know. He lost his connection as soon as they passed the event horizon.

"Damn it!" No normal black hole would stop one of his ships. Rossum sent in a fleet of Leviahamuts, the newest model of Super Exadian-class ships, but they too were absorbed. His monitors showed the entire solar system being absorbed into the hole.

He received a transmission from one of his Captains.

"Sir, we're detecting... something in Brane 3839409182923999301297728291!"

"Yes, I know. It's off-limits for now."

"Yes sir!"

But then Rossum realized something even more horrifying.

The hole was moving. Right toward him.


	6. The Source

ZETTA SPONBY

He had done it.

Sponby felt the power of his new form. He'd absorbed everything. Jupiter, The Power, the Monolith, the Deus Est Machinas, that fleet and the Solar System itself.

But that last part was unintentional. Sponby only now regained control of his powers.

He was now a true God.

Sponby warped back to the Sponby Base. The Dragonlordmore had fortunately made it back in time.

"Listen up everyone." Sponby announced to all of his soldiers. "We're almost ready to assault the Great Machine Force. I will spearhead the last of the ship construction myself. Good job everyone; take a break, you'll need it."

Sponby programmed the basic instructions for finishing his fleet into his main body, while he split off his consciousness in a separate body. There was still some last-minute recruitment to do before he was ready.

SECOND CHANCE

Sponby held up his torch, coming face to face with a green monster with a hideous face.

"GET DOWN!" Jeff and Sponby hit the dirt, and the green creature exploded, leaving a crater in the rock. Sponby blocked the explosion with a barrier, leaving both of them unharmed.

"Thanks, Sponby." Jeff said. "Didn't know you could do that."

"It's a little something I picked up." Sponby said. "Now then, let's look for some of that gold."

Jeff and Sponby spent the next few hours mining for gold. They found plenty of coal and iron, but unfortunately no gold. The iron ore would probably fetch a decent price at the blacksmith, though.

Unfortunately, on their way out of the cave, they were assaulted by an angry mob. Sponby swept them all aside, and he had also previously disabled the Giga Creeper underneath the mountain, preventing it from emerging and killing everything.

"So, what now?" Jeff asked.

"I'm going to level with you. I'm going to be fighting an epic space war pretty soon, and I'm here to recruit you as a soldier."

"Will I get paid?"

"You bet."

"Then I'm in." Jeff threw his stacks of coal and iron aside; his payment for this job would make that stuff look like chump change.

Sponby and Jeff headed back to the Exceliator. He had one more stop.

WEATHER

"Great-Lord Sponby!" The cheerful Equinox guards let him in to Fort Fevrier. He followed the red carpet to the throne room, where King Damocles was waiting.

"Hail, King Damocles!" Sponby cheered.

"Ah, Sponby! Greetings to you!" Damocles responded. Sponby bowed before him for a moment, then got up.

"I have something I need to ask you. Exodus, the being that enslaved you, was part of a greater organization called the Great Machine Force. I'm almost ready to fight them, but I need soldiers. I know it's selfish, but could I ask you for a few of your men?"

"I will do you one better!" King Damocles rapped his scepter on the ground. "All of my people are yours to command!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! My people will follow you to their death if need be. Just... try to make sure some of them survive."

"Thank you." Sponby didn't expect such a generous offer of soldiers, but he wasn't about to say no.

"Of course, Great-Lord! If you'd like, you may also contact our God for more help."

Sponby left Fort Fevrier as the entire population of Fort Fevrier, roughly 1000 Equinoxes, stepped into a portal to the Sponby Base. He'd return them to an alternate universe, a better one...

Sponby started to absorb the planet.

WHO ARE YOU?

"Huh? BURTON, you there?" Sponby asked.

I AM NOT BURTON. I AM SEASON-BRINGER, THE DRAGON OF SEASON CONTROL.

"Wait, you're the planet? And you're alive?"

YES. The planet morphed into a dragon as large as Saturn. AND YOU ARE SPONBY? I HAVE HEARD MUCH PRAISE FOR YOU FROM MY PEOPLE'S PRAYERS.

"Yeah. I'm off to fight the Great Machine Force."

I SEE. YES, THOSE WERE THE ONES WHO SEALED ME IN THE FORM OF A PLANET AND DOMINATED MY PEOPLE. I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE THEM A PIECE OF MY MIND...

"I'd love to have you aboard. I can equip you with weapons and armor if you need it."

AS YOU WISH.

Sponby opened a portal back to the Sponby Base. Season-Bringer flew through it.

THE FLEET

Sponby looked over his fleet. It was finally done.

30 Reb-class ships, each as large and as powerful as the Deus Est Machinas. They lacked regeneration, but made up for it in more weapons and shields.

Each Reb-class ship had 10 Dragon-class ships within it. The Dragons were equipped with crew quarters, but refinements in his tech meant they had more powerful weapons, engines and shields than Dragon One way back when.

And each Dragon-class ship had 20 Quickening-class ships within it, to serve as point-defense and attack drones. Again, these were far more powerful than the original Quickening, or even the Exceliator.

With the spare materials, he made another fleet of 100 Mestema-class ships, which were slightly larger than the Dragon-class, but with shield strength equal to the Reb class. Basically just mobile walls, but in a pinch, they could accelerate and punch through hulls.

And for wild cards, he had Season-Bringer, decked out in weaponry and armor; the Cathedral Terra, which was far more powerful than any of his ships; and the Sponby Base Gamma, an upgrade of the original Base which could crank out reinforcements (as well as keeping the non-essential crew safe).

Yeah, his fleet was ready.

"Put in the Heart of Machines' coordinates, BURTON." Sponby said. BURTON had retired from active duty; he was now in charge of ship deployment.

"YES SIR." The entire Fleet warped.

They ended up in intergalactic space, hovering a few million light years above a standard-looking spiral galaxy.

"Huh? Where's the Heart of Machines?" Sponby asked.

"RIGHT THERE." BURTON pointed out the galaxy. Now that Sponby looked at it, it looked a bit metallic...

"Wait... No, it can't be." Sponby had expected a fight, but... was the Heart of Machines...

"The entire galaxy. The whole thing is the Heart of Machines."

THE HEART OF MACHINES

"Okay, let's do it!" The entire crew cheered as they flew toward the Heart of Machines. But their presence was definitely noticed; a fleet of thousands of Leviahamuts engaged them. The Dragons and Rebs cut right through them without a single loss.

"Good job, guys! But this is just a taste!" Sure enough, several Deus Est Machina-sized ships, backed up by another hundred thousand Leviahamuts, came out of a giant hole in the galaxy.

An epic firefight ensued. They lost a couple of Reb-class and several Dragon-class ships, but they were faring much better than Sponby previously had against the Deus Est Machinas. Of course, having the Cathedral Terra on their side helped a lot, as it transformed into humanoid form and unleashed a barrage of piercing missiles.

Of course, the Deus Est Machinas' regeneration meant that they didn't stay down for long. The Rebs concentrated their fire on one of the massive ships, and that seemed to work; one of them was reduced to atoms. The Cathedral Lazengann took out another with a Giga Drill Breaker.

"AND AS FOR ME!" Season-Bringer turned into a Super Saiyan and started slinging Angel Arm Kamehamehas around, taking out all but a couple of the remaining Deus Est Machinas. "THAT'S FOR ENSLAVING ME, YOU B****ES!"

"Ha ha!" It was Rossum again. "Your fleet is impressive! But it'll take more than that to defeat me!"

The rest of the Super Exadian-class ships, and everything smaller than that, appeared. About a billion in total.

With such a massive concentration of ships, simply firing a weapon took out massive chunks of the fleet. The Rebs switched to Piercing ammo, borrowed from Lordgenome, and started firing; the Dragon-class ships transformed into Dragonlords and used Tera Flare ammo, which was far stronger than piercing missiles but more draining. The Dragonlords had small Super-Spiral engines though, which helped in energy regeneration.

But the sheer amount of enemy dakka took its toll; they lost another Reb and three more Dragons. They will be missed, Sponby thought.

"I'M DETECTING MULTIPLE BRANE BREACHES! THEY'RE CALLING IN REINFORCEMENTS FROM OTHER UNIVERSES!" BURTON said.

"Yes!" Rossum announced. "I have factories in hundreds of universes!"

"Shit!" Sponby cursed.

"Don't get depressed just yet." Lordgenome said. "Mewtwo's been analyzing the Heart of Machines. He thinks we should be able to disable their fleet by killing this Machine-King guy."

"I highly doubt that." Sponby said. Why would someone like the Machine-King have a single weak point? He'd probably have a distributed network across this entire galaxy to prevent that exact thing from happening.

"Even still, killing Rossum will deal a major blow to their morale, if not their coordination. I have a plan, come over here."

Sponby teleported over to the Cathedral Lazengann. It was busy Giga Drilling some more Deus Est Machinas; Sponby looked out and saw another Reb blow up.

"I have a backup ship, called the Arc-Gurren. It should get us within a few kilometres of the data center of the Heart of Machines. If we destroy that, it will at the very least let us fight a bit longer."

"Yeah, I guess we'll go with that." Sponby and Lordgenome teleported to the Arc-Gurren's bridge. It launched out of the Cathedral Lazengann's chest-face; a few Mestemas served as an escort, but none of them lasted very long.

"Come on!" The Arc-Gurren's shields took a beating, but Lordgenome and Sponby generated a perfect shield around it, getting them through. They pierced several hundred layers of flesh and metal, but even their perfect shield could only take so much; the hull of the Arc-Gurren was wrecked, and Sponby and Lordgenome teleported off of it before it exploded, taking out an impressive chunk of the Heart of Machines.

SHOWDOWN

Sponby and Lordgenome were within walking distance of Rossum's Throne. The battle raged above them, and even though they couldn't hear it, they knew they weren't doing well. There wasn't any air in here, but neither of them needed to breathe, so it was all good.

"Halt!" Archetype, the four-armed woman with Sponby's powers, stood in their way. She was communicating with them via some sort of telepathic link.

"You!" Sponby tried absorbing her, but her Spiral power burned his shadow aura away.

"You've perverted that power!" Lordgenome used his own Spiral power and rushed at her, unleashing a flurry of fists that she tried to block and dodge, though unsucessfully. Sponby conjured his Fusion Sword and joined in.

"OVERLOAD!" Archetype unleashed her own Spiral power and created a crap-ton of drills, piercing both Sponby and Lordgenome multiple times; Sponby absorbed the drills, while Lordgenome just healed himself.

"How dare you use that power against me!" Lordgenome ripped her head off and punched her in the gut, sending her flying while her corpse burned with green flames.

"Ah ha!" Spoont jumped out of nowhere, skewering Sponby with a sword of light. Sponby tried absorbing him, but this particular Spoont was absorption-proof. But Sponby countered with a skewering and dicing from the Fusion Sword, which Spoont couldn't recover from; he was left as a quivering heap of body parts on the floor.

They pressed on.

"Halt!" Three more Archetypes and another Spoont appeared.

"God damnit!" Sponby shouted. "He's just doing it to piss us off!"

"Indeed! It's merely a distraction! FINAL FLASH!" Lordgenome fired a beam of brilliant green energy at their enemies, annihilating them.

They pressed on.

"Hey!" A redheaded woman dropped from a hole in the ceiling. Lordgenome was about to impale her with a Giga Drill, but Sponby stopped him.

"Wait!" Sponby shouted. He walked over to her... he couldn't believe his eyes. Was it really...

"Obscurus Lupa?"

LUPA

"Hey Sponby! How's it going?" Lupa asked.

"Why are you here?"

"Jesus told me you guys needed help. Oh, it's a long story." Lupa added after seeing the confused looks on their faces.

"I... see. By the way, the name's Sponby."

The three heroes kept walking. Lupa explained her backstory: after winning the Olympics, 'Sponby' came and led her and a bunch of TGWTG people to the center of the universe and fought a Dark thing. From there, Lupa had various adventures, leading to her fighting a giant Master Ham with Jesus armor. Yeah, it didn't make sense in context either. God said He was going to erase her memories, but apparently He reconsidered, and instead sent her here to help fight Rossum.

"So yeah, that's why I'm here." Lupa said while punching the Super Demon Gold 3 Beta form of Kekanu.

"Interesting. I might have to hunt this Jesus fellow down later." Lordgenome said.

"Whatever. We're almost there." They pressed on, coming into another atrium.

"Hello, Sponby. Long time no see."

DAIKAIZER VX

A giant robot, piloted by a human and a tiger, stood before them.

"Sponby! You cast us aside during the battle against Exodus. But no longer! We sold our souls to Rossum the Machine-King, and gained power above the gods!" Daikaizer VX, the upgraded form of Daikaijin XX from so long ago, moved lightning-fast, squishing Sponby with its foot. He responded by absorbing the foot; Daikaizer broke it off immediately, regenerating it in no time.

Lupa jumped up and punched Daikaizer in the chest, knocking it to the ground. She then opened a portal to the Plane of Infinite Exploding Phelouses.

"I'm an exploding Phelous derp dee doo!" Phelous yelled as he attacked Daikaizer. The Phelouses exploded into little bits, which reformed as an equal-sized MegaNanoPhelous.

"Ha!" Daikaizer cut its arms off, and each arm regenerated into a full Daikaizer. Lordgenome generated Lazengann around him, while Sponby drew on some of his old powers to create a custom mecha for himself, which he dubbed 'Hot Drinks' for some reason. Lupa formed the head of the MegaNanoPhelous, taking control of it.

Epic asskicking ensued. Lazengann, MegaNanoPhelupa and Hot Drinks kicked the asses of all three Daikaizers. They all fused and became a hydra, but it got its ass kicked too.

"Give it up." Sponby said. He unleashed his shadow aura, absorbing Daikaizer at the same rate it regenerated; he accidentally absorbed a few Phelouses too.

"No! You..." Daikaizer blew itself up, but Sponby absorbed the blast. This one wasn't coming back.

They pressed on.

The way forward was oddly silent. They kept walking, until they entered a chamber covered entirely in screens broadcasting various angles of the battle outside. Sponby's forces had been diminished even further, but they were still fighting tooth and nail.

And in the middle of the room, held up by two large cables, was...

ROSSUM THE MACHINE-KING

...a large green circular thing, covered in wriggling tentacles.

"Wait, you're the Machine-King?" Sponby wondered.

"Indeed! You humans are so self-centered; did you really think all of your opponents would be humanoid?" Rossum's voice was deafening. "Now, I applaud you on making it here, but you should know that you have no hope of defeating me. I can regenerate faster than you can absorb and/or destroy me, and even if you do manage to destroy the Heart of Machines, one of the other Hearts will rebuild it."

"That's great! That means I can kill you as many times as I like!" Sponby drew his sword and cut both cables holding Rossum, then kicked him at the wall at lightspeed. His hard shell cracked, revealing his insides to be a gooey pink substance with black seeds strewn about.

"An evil watermelon." Lordgenome said, with a mix of amusement and incredulity. "The mighty Machine-King is an evil watermelon."

"Ha ha!" Lupa laughed. She picked up one half of Rossum and immolated it with holy fire, then threw the other half into the Plane of Infinite Phelouses.

"Oh yeah, thanks for the food, Lupa. It'll probably just kill me when I eat it." Phelous said.

But the cables holding up Rossum regenerated, and another Rossum quickly grew between them.

"Tell me, Sponby. Do you recall using the intrinsic life energy of a newborn planet to create your Dragon Balls?" Rossum asked.

"Yeah."

"And the reason you did it was because you needed more power, and that even if it didn't produce any life in this universe, it inevitably would in another."

"Let me guess: you're from an AU version of that planet." Sponby said.

"Yes! And now you know one part of the reason I will never let you leave this place." All three of them were instantly encased in living metal. Sponby broke out first, and freed the other two by absorbing a large chunk of Rossum's Throne (including Rossum again).

But of course, the room instantly regenerated, good as new.

"Enough of this." Rossum said. One of the walls opened up, revealing one of the Deus Est Machina's main guns. "Your ships may be able to survive this weapon, but you will not be so lucky!"

"Bitch please." Sponby said. He turned to his two allies. "Okay guys, I can get us out of here, but only if I power up to Zetta level. The sheer power would destroy you guys along with everything else, and I can't open portals in here. So..."

"Then let our powers combine!" Lupa said. She created a protective barrier around herself and entered Sponby's shadow form; Lordgenome did the same. They all temporarily fused into one being.

"An impressive effort, but a futile one!" Rossum said as the main guns fired. The new fused being deflected them all without effort.

"I am beyond good and evil, light and dark, law and chaos." he said. "I am to God what he is to men! I am Sponby Aleph, and I have had enough of your shit!"

SPONBY ALEPH

The simple act of powering up destroyed over half of the Heart of Machines. It started to regenerate, but Sponby Aleph extended his shadow aura, absorbing everything - friend and foe alike - into his body.

The Heart of Machines was no more. But the Great Machine Force was not yet defeated - as Rossum said, it had hundreds of other factories in other universes, and it would not be long before the Heart was rebuilt.

Sponby began to formulate a plan to take care of them, but a massive portal opened. A Deus Est Machina-sized ship emerged, but Sponby Aleph quickly realized that this was much different than the countless ships he'd just destroyed. The somewhat familiar aura of Rossum the Machine-King permeated the entire ship, and its power was almost equal to Sponby's own.

"SPONBY!" The regal voice of Rossum echoed throughout Sponby's mind. "I can never be truly defeated! If my body is destroyed, I will rise more powerful than ever! Make your peace now, before I make your body as nothing!"

"Big talk from the evil watermelon!" Sponby taunted. "Come on, show me what you've got!"

"Force Beam energized! Maximum charge! NOW! Fire the BREAKER!"

The Deus Est Machina changed shape, taking the form of a massive gun. It immediately fired a colossal energy beam, made up of thousands of slightly less colossal energy beams of various different types. Sponby tried absorbing them, but it was too much for even him to absorb; his body was torn to shreds, but he reformed once the assault was done.

"Really? You think you can defeat me with that wimpy weapon?" Sponby said. "Here's a real energy beam! YAMATO TECHNIQUE LEVEL ALEPH: INFINITY BIG BANG STORM!"

Sponby's human-sized body quickly expanded to four times the size of the Rossum Ex Machina. Hundreds of weapon ports appeared on Sponby's body; internally, for each weapon port, two galaxies were created using Spiral power and mashed together, creating huge amouts of raw energy for him to use.

Each weapon port fired a beam, each roughly the same strength as the Rossum Ex Machina's Breaker Beam. To counter this onslaught, Rossum summoned thousands of AU Spoonts and drained them of all their power, creating a nearly-invincible light-powered barrier to counter Sponby's naturally dark-based weaponry.

"Give up, Sponby!" Rossum shouted. "You can't move me!"

Sponby sensed that Rossum's Breaker Beam was charged up again. It had nothing on his Infinity Big Bang Storm, but he couldn't fire it through his light shield. Even if it was a small opening, he'd have to open it slightly. Sponby made sure to make his weak point rather obvious, so that Rossum would be sure enough to aim at it.

Sure enough, Rossum took the bait. A small opening in the light shield opened, and Sponby redirected several of his Infinity beams into it. Sponby's weapons easily overwhelmed the Rossum Ex Machina's, shredding it into little pieces once the light shield fell.

But of course, as is tradition with the Great Machine Force's weapons, the Rossum Ex Machina regenerated.

"I am invincible!" Rossum said.

"Really? Because I know one really good way how to deal with you." Sponby said. He morphed into a super-sized version of himself, dwarfing even the large Rossum Ex Machina. He extended his shadow aura outward, capturing the small ship in its grasp, pulling it into his body.

Rossum futilely tried firing more weapons, but Sponby absorbed them all.

"SPONBY!" Rossum screamed in desperation. "THIS IS NOT OVER! I WILL RISE FROM THE ASHES!"

"Sure you will." Sponby said as Rossum's consciousness faded from his mind.

But it still wasn't over. Those other factories still existed, but with Rossum's knowledge added to his own, he knew exactly where each of those were. He opened hundreds of portals, each leading to a different brane, in position to annihilate each of the factories' cores.

And then, he gathered energy.

"SPONBY TECHNIQUE LEVEL ALEPH: BREAK YOU." Sponby unleashed billions of energy beams, directing them through the portals. Each and every factory controlled by this incarnation of Rossum was completely and utterly destroyed.

Of course, the nature of the multiverse meant that there was more than one Great Machine Force, and definitely more than one Rossum. But it didn't matter. He would fight them as they came.

But for now, he would return to his original goal. There was still a man who had forced him to become this, and he wanted to pay that man back.

BLADE

Sponby walked into a bar. He wasn't sure what this planet was called, but his universal translator would pick up the slack. He'd long since lost the ability to differentiate between languages - to him, any spoken language automatically sounded like English - but it didn't really bother him anymore.

Sponby had put the bulk of his power into finding the specific version of Doctor Insano that had transformed him into an Archetype. But the universe was pretty big, and there were a lot of universes; it would take a lot of time to find him. Until then, Sponby could just relax.

Immediately upon entering the bar, something made the hair on his neck stand on end. Sponby took a quick look around the bar, quickly identifying the source of his unease: a silver-haired man, sitting in the back of the bar, with an absolutely massive magical sword propped up against the side of the table.

But to his surprise, it wasn't Sephiroth.

"Who are you?" Sponby sat down, opposite the man. He looked human, but he had an almost bestial air to him.

"The real question is, who are you?" the man replied. "You seem familiar, but I've never seen you."

"I'm Sponby. You?"

"Vashblade Dragonfang. Call me Blade for short."

"What a stupid name."

"Better than 'Sponby'."

"Touche." A waitress came up, and Sponby ordered a beer; a few moments later, she came back with a cold one.

While he thoughtfully sipped the brew, he sized up Blade. Though he was far from unassuming, Sponby could tell that he was supressing all but a fraction of his true power. He couldn't exactly tell how much, but it was... a lot. Who the hell was this guy?

"So what're you doing here?" Sponby asked.

"Mercenary work." Blade said. "How about you? You're no normal scrawny human."

"I'm just killing time. Mind if I join you for a bit? I don't care about payment."

"Ha. We'll see if you can keep up." Blade pounded back the last of his beer. "Come on, let's go."

BANDITS

But before they could leave, an intimidating-looking bandit stepped into the bar. He took one look at Blade and Sponby, and drew his sword.

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" the bandit screamed as he ran at them. Blade grabbed his magical sword and easily parried the bandit's attack. With his other hand, Blade grabbed the bandit by the throat.

"I recognize that battle-cry." Blade growled. "Who do you work for?"

"KHORNE CARES NOT FROM WHERE THE BLOOD FLOWS!" The bandit ripped his chest open, spewing blood and bile all over Blade. He expired shortly after.

"Chaos." Blade said. He slammed his fist against a table, breaking it into little bits. He ran out of the bar.

"Chaos? As in, Warhammer 40K Chaos?" Sponby asked. "Seriously?"

"Yes." Blade said. "They corrupted me in my youth... and I haven't been the same. I've spent my entire life fighting against them. I've killed them down to the last demon. But no matter how thorough I am, they just keep coming back."

"Sirs!" The bar owner ran outside, catching up with Blade and Sponby. "I overheard that you were looking for work. If you have no other jobs there is a bandit keep near here. They keep us subjugated... if you could destroy them, we would all be eternally grateful!"

"Alright." Blade agreed. "Can you handle Chaos, Sponby?"

"Damn right!" Sponby drew his Fusion Sword. "I'm always up for killing indiscriminately, especially when they're Warp daemons!"

WORK

Sponby and Blade walked down the street. This city was oddly empty; it was mostly peddlers and homeless folks on the streets at this time of day, even though it was still daylight.

"Hey, you two!" A shabby-looking man behind a cart called out to them. "Want some exclusive Daxen souvenirs?"

Blade walked up to the cart, looking at the collection of various plush figures and tools. All of them had hexagonal patterns all over them, like they were going out of style; Blade took a couple of kitchen knives and studied them for a few moments.

"Shoddy work. The steel's low-quality, and the blade would fall off if I cut through bread. Why would you sell such terrible knives?" Blade asked.

"Huh? It's a souvenir! You don't use it to actually cut through stuff, you just hang it on the walls!"

"Eh?" Blade looked genuinely confused. "But it's a knife. It's made to cut things."

"Weirdo." The man tried taking the knives back, but Blade defensively stuck the knives through his eyes. He then took more knives and stabbed the man repeatedly; sure enough, the blades snapped pretty much on contact, and those that didn't were kind of dull.

"What the hell, man?" Sponby said. He grabbed Blade's arm, snapping him out of his homicidal rage.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I get angry sometimes." Blade said sheepishly. Somehow, no one seemed to notice the brutal murder of a merchant in broad daylight; Sponby got the feeling that Blade was unintentionally responsible for that. But it didn't really matter; if he went batshit on his ass, Sponby could take him. Probably.

Another couple of bandits stopped them as they made their way to the eastern gates.

"We ain't seen you here before." one of the bandits said. "If you wanna get outta here unscathed, you gotta make a peace offerin to our great King Crowley."

"Offer THIS!" Sponby swung his sword a single time, but the air pressure cut both bandits in half at the waist. "Fucking organized bandits."

But to his surprise, both halves of the bandits grew all sorts of tentacles. They started moving around, and one of them jumped on Sponby's face.

"Fuck!" Sponby shifted into his shadow form and absorbed the tentacled torso, reversing the power of grabby tentacles upon the thing. Blade, meanwhile, cast a Warp-scrubbing spell upon his sword and took out the other three monstrosities with a single slash each, banishing them.

"Ugly fuckers." Blade cursed. As they went through the gate, they noticed a keep in the plains to the east.

CHAOS

But this castle wasn't made of stone or metal. The walls looked like they were made of flesh; upon closer inspection, the walls were literally made of people. They pulsed in an erratic rhythm.

As Sponby and Blade approached the keep, a horrific screaming assaulted their ears. Fortunately for them, they were both mostly immune to eldritch languages that drove lesser men mad. The walls themselves spat black bile at them, but Blade conjured a shield that destroyed it on contact.

"BLADE!"

The entire keep shifted, getting up on thousands of small legs. A huge, distorted face manifested atop the keep's highest tower, looking directly at the two.

"This one's mine." Sponby shifted into his shadow form. He'd put almost all of his raw power into finding Insano, but he still had each and every single one of the abilities he'd absorbed from his enemies... and this time, he figured he'd try out one he hadn't used yet.

"BREAKER BEAM!" Sponby's variation of the Breaker fired hundreds of beams, each patterned after Blade's anti-Chaos shield. The beams ripped right through the evil keep, silencing the screaming and putting those poor souls to rest.

In the place of the keep was a portal to the Warp. Blade walked toward it, but before he could enter, two figures stepped out of it: a color-inverted doppelganger of Blade himself, and a doppelganger of Sponby with white hair and clothes.

"Chaos Blade." regular Blade cursed.

"So you're the famous Christian Humber." Spoont said. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"My name is Blade. Or Vash. Or Bladevash." Blade said. He drew Tetsume, but to his surprise, Spoont shifted into his light form and grabbed Tetsume with light tendrils, absorbing it into himself.

"You-"

"Hey Sponby, I heard you killed Rossum. Not bad!" Spoont taunted. He reached into his Akasha and drew Tetsume; Blade's extensive knowledge of magical swords told him that Tetsume had accepted its new master, and that it was basking in Spoont's radiance and growing ever stronger.

"Yeah, and I thought Rossum killed about ten thousand of your AU counterparts." Sponby said. "I'm surprised that he didn't completely wipe you out."

"The multiverse is a funny place." Spoooont said. "Who would've thought that I'd end up allied with Chaos against you? See, my good friend Chaos Blade here has quite a beef with your friend Humber, and I still plan to stop you..."

"It's Blade!" Blade shouted angrily. He was beginning to succumb to his rage...

"Yeah yeah. Unless you've killed me in at least six other alternate universes, you don't stand a chance."

"As a matter of fact..." Spoooooooooont drew the Fusion Sword in his other hand, and used his leet Archetype powers to fuse the Fusion Sword and Tetsume together. He then altered his light form a bit, gaining blue markings all over his body. "I've found that some of your powers are quite handy, as you no doubt have with my own. But the difference between you and me... is that I'm better."

INVERSION

Blade's sword Tetsume served as a restraining bolt of sorts; as long as he had it on his person, his crippling anger problems were mostly held in check. (If that sounds familiar, you've watched InuYasha.) But unfortunately for him, Spoont had absorbed and dominated the sword, and though Blade was valiantly struggling to hold on to his sanity, he was slipping further and further into madness.

Blade let out a wolf-like howl, and he conjured up two other weapons: a Chaos Keyblade and a gun with about twenty barrels. He fired away at Chaos Blade, who drew his Inverted Tetsume and easily blocked each shot. Blade threw the gun to the side and savagely attacked Chaos Blade with his keyblade, but his unfocused rage couldn't pierce Chaos Blade's sadistic coolness.

Meanwhile, Sponby powered up to challenge Spoont. Rather than matching swords, he took a page from the Dr. Jones School of Swordsmanship.

"SWAT TECHNIQUE LEVEL 2: AUTO-FUCKING-SHOTGUNS!" Sponby conjured 500 autoshotguns, each loaded with pure darkness as ammo. He let them rip on Spoont, who tried shielding himself, but he was quickly torn apart. Before Spoont could regenerate, Sponby fired as many shadow tendrils as he could, consuming each piece of light.

But Sponby fell for Spoont's trap. The pieces of Spoont, rather than subsuming into Sponby, instead started growing within his darkness. Spoont started taking over Sponby's body, but Sponby fought back.

Meanwhile, Blade had broken through Chaos Blade's Inverted Tetsume. One of the fragments of the evil sword was stuck in Blade's shoulder, but since it was inverted, it amplified Blade's rage even further. Blade transformed into a giant werewolf and devoured Chaos Blade whole.

"Bitch please!" Sponby expelled as much of Spoont as he could from his body, and invoked his rarely-used Zonder purification powers to supress the rest of Spoont's personality. The rest of Spoont's body quickly reformed, and opened another Warp portal, summoning three more copies of Chaos Blade.

"You can't stop me, Sponby. I'm invincible!" Spoont said. He absorbed all three copies of Chaos Blade, and summoned both Tetsume and Inverted Tetsume.

Blade stomped on Spoont, crushing his amorphous body. But Spoont took the chance to stab Blade with both swords; Blade's stomp embedded them firmly within his foot, amplifying his rage even more but giving him just enough coherence to focus it on complete and total destruction.

FIGHT

Blade reverted to his standard human form, but with some key differenceS: his generic anime clothing was pure white, and his hair stood on end and gained streaks of blue and white. He wielded both Tetsumes at once, dominating the inverted counterpart with his sheer power. He called this form "Chaos Hunter", and it represented the absolute peak of his abilities.

To his credit, Blade at his peak was far stronger than Sponby expected. He was almost at the same level as Sponby himself. But Sponby still held the upper hand in both power and longevity; under all of that power, Blade was still a mortal man, while Sponby was an immortal shadow-god.

Blade jumped into the Warp portal. Sponby decided to follow, but Spoont stopped him.

"I don't care about Chaos!" Spoont yelled. "I don't care if Humber kills every last one of them! I'm only concerned about you, Sponby!"

"Right right." Sponby snapped his fingers, and he recalled the bulk of his power stored in the Insano probe. An aura of complete darkness flared behind Sponby, instantly annihilating half of the planet as collateral damage.

"Fool!" Spoont gathered as much light magic as he could, firing it at Sponby, but his darkness easily absorbed the blast. Spoont backed away in abject horror at the pure incarnation of the spatial void stood before him.

"Die." Sponby's shadow aura absorbed Spoont and the rest of the planet. Spoont still had the data for Tetsume within him; Sponby recreated it, then traced its signature to Blade's current position. Since he really had nothing better to do, he decided to go help Blade destroy the Warp.

TERROR

As Sponby crossed the veil, he was floored by the raw psychic power permeating the Warp. It took him some time to to get adjusted to the background interference, but as soon as he did, he felt the trail of devastation left by Blade - or rather, the lack of background energy, as it had been completely annihilated by him.

Sponby followed the path until he caught up with Blade, who was standing over the corpses of hundreds of thousands of dead Chaos Marines.

"Traitors!" Blade screamed. He poured energy into his two swords, causing a chain reaction that annihilated another section of Chaos space.

"Having fun?" Sponby asked.

"Fun? This is a life-or-death battle against Chaos!" Blade continued on, and Sponby followed. More Chaos Marines attacked, but before Blade could destroy them, Sponby decided to absorb a few just for the hell of it; he'd already absorbed eldritch horrors, so these were nothing.

But it wasn't long before the two of them came across what appeared to be a gigantic castle made entirely of bones. The gates opened, and they stepped within it.

"YOU TREAD WITHIN THE HALLS OF WAR!" A booming voice nearly shook the castle apart. Paying no heed to the voice, they continued onward through the halls of the castle, until they came across the throne room - dominated by an impossibly-large throne made entirely of skulls. Atop it was a similarly-impossibly-large man who looked like a knight, but with the head of a wolf.

"Khorne, the Blood God!" Blade said. He pointed both swords at the Chaos God. "Your warmongering ways end here!"

"HA!" Khorne laughed. "I AM IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN STARE UPON ME WITHOUT YOUR EYES BURSTING INTO FLAME, BUT DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN DEFEAT ME WITH THOSE WEAPONS?"

"Die, ugly!" Blade used his speed to instantly get to Khorne's head, and he drove both swords through the Chaos God's eye sockets. He then used his anti-Chaos magic, completely erasing the Skull Throne from existence.

But Khorne remained, no worse for wear.

"AS LONG AS ONE MAN WHO BELIEVES IN POWER REMAINS, I WILL SURVIVE!" Khorne summoned a literally-impossible number of weapons and used them all on Blade.

"God of War? Hah! Kratos could kick your ass any day of the week!" Sponby powered up again, and his dark aura began absorbing the background psychic energy. Khorne directed some of his weapons toward Sponby, but his body easily absorbed even the most powerful of them.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Khorne asked.

"I am the terror that scares the entire multiverse! I am the immortal Great-Lord! I have conquered the Great Machine Force singlehandedly! I am Sponby!"

Sponby's dark aura surrounded Khorne, rapidly siphoning his power away. He mimicked Blade's anti-Chaos magic while simultaneously invoking some of the anti-Archetype tech employed by the Great Machine Force; the combination of both was enough to reduce the Blood God to little more than a speck.

But just as he claimed, the Chaos Gods could never be truly destroyed as long as there was still life in the multiverse. Sponby had to make do with supressing as much of his personality as he could, and siphoning off every last bit of energy directed to him. Of course, he funneled most of the psychic energy directed to the Blood God into the measures containing him, and still made off with a general power boost.

ENEMY

"You..." Blade looked at Sponby. "You destroyed Khorne?"

"Not really, I just sealed him." Sponby said. "I could probably do the same to the other three Chaos Gods too, but I think I'll just make do with using the latent psychic power of the Warp to find my true adversary."

"Chaos is unrepentently evil! Even thinking about using it will corrupt you!" Blade said. "Which means that... I'll have to destroy you."

"Really? You think you can defeat me? Sure, you're pretty strong, but even if you somehow became 100 times more powerful right now, you still wouldn't be able to kill me. I'm absolutely invincible!"

"That may be so, but I'll never give up!" Blade opened up a portal, taking them back to realspace. But the sheer power emanating from Sponby messed up the portal's destination... instead, they ended up back in the Terrain of Testament.

"Ah ha... Ha ha ha... HA HA HA!" Sponby laughed. "This place again! Of all the places, we end up here..."

Sponby instantly re-attuned to the Terrain, gaining another massive power boost.

In here, Blade was no match. He tried employing his anti-Chaos magic, but Sponby was unaffected. His biological distinctiveness was added to Sponby's own.

NOSTALGIA

Escaping from the Terrain of Testament once was difficult.

Escaping twice was inevitable.

Sponby shaped the entire Terrain into a tiny ball, leaving him in an empty void. Then, he focused hard upon the last remaining relic of his life. He felt himself slip through the barrier, moving beyond time and space, until he appeared at the ruins of his old house.

It seemed like it had only been a short time since he was trapped within the depths of Insano's lab, being tortured and experimented upon by the good doctor.

Of course, there wasn't any actual house left. He'd absorbed it all when he came back for Burton. But it still felt... nostalgic to him.

"Sponby." BURTON had been repurposed as the communicator for his probe. "I've found the exact permutation of Insano that transformed you. Transmitting location now."

Sponby knew exactly where he was. Before leaving, he recreated his old house - he wasn't really sure why, but he just felt like it. In his wanderings throughout the multiverse, he'd never found his brother - but perhaps, once this was all done, he'd go out and find him.

Sponby created a portal to the coordinates provided by BURTON.

It was time.

INSANO

Sponby arrived on a cold, desolate planet in intergalactic space. He'd reabsorbed the probe, bringing him back to his full power and more: he still held the Terrain of Testament within him, boosting his power even further.

The only feature on this planetoid was a small hut. This planet was host to two beings: one of them had arrived, and the other had been hiding here from both his creation and the Great Machine Force.

"Hello, Insano." Sponby opened the door, and saw a bespectacled doctor tinkering with a small machine.

"Oh, uh, Spoony!" Insano flinched as Sponby walked toward him. "Please, I can explain!"

"The only reason you're still alive is because I want to hear you beg for your life." Sponby said.

"Oh really? Would you kill... your brother?" Insano took off his goggles, and Sponby recognized the face of his brother, Miles.

"What? Damnit, BURTON got the coordinates wrong!"

"A long time ago, a woman came to our house. She called herself Dr. Madeness, and she was badly injured; I did what I could to tend her wounds, but it was too late. She explained that she was from a different universe, and that her planet had been overrun by the Great Machine Force and their Archetypes, beings who could absorb anything and integrate it into their bodies. Her last act was to implant all of her knowledge into my head, so that I could carry on her work of creating an Archetype to counter them.

"Her knowledge manifested as an alternate personality. It named itself 'Doctor Insano', after one of the characters on your webshow. I built my lab and tools in secret, but I had to use liberal mindwipes to keep it all under wraps. I sold some of my tech for funding, but I never forgot my goal.

"Originally, I designed the procedure for myself, but I realized that the process needed to transform into an Archetype was far too complex to be automated. So... I used you. My original plan was to use you as Neutro's power source, until you inevitably absorbed it and learned of your powers: from there, I would guide you throughout the multiverse, until you became as powerful as the entire Great Machine Force.

"But then that damned Linkara interfered. I adjusted my plans. Instead of directly guiding you, I indirectly showed you the way to more power. But Rossum was aware of my plans, and he countered accordingly; he sent an Archetype when you created the Dragon Balls, and he sent a Deus Est Machina before you were capable of dealing with it. I had to interfere with the portal to the Heart of Machines, and I had to corrupt Dredge to become susceptible to your power.

"Warrior? I sent him. The Power and that monolith? My doing too. All of your actions have been according to my plan." Insano stood there, a look of mad glee on his face.

"Okay. Well, the Great Machine Force is destroyed, so thanks for manipulating me into doing that." Sponby said sarcastically.

"Indeed. But I just realized that I have a perfectly good unstoppable weapon at my disposal. I do believe... I will take over the multiverse!" Insano pointed a remote at Sponby, who fell to the ground in pain.

"What, how?"

"Did I forget to mention that I added some mind control tech to your Archetype enhancements?" Insano cackled. He walked over to Sponby. "Now then. For my first declaration of rule, why don't you go and absorb Oa? Those Guardian bastards don't deserve to live in the Insanoverse!"

"No." Sponby resisted Insano's control. He got to his feet.

"Oh, not bad. But I've anticipated that too! I figured out how to automate the Archetype process..." Insano shifted into his Archetype form; but instead of tangible light or darkness, Insano was a void, an all-consuming tear in reality. Seeing it would drive lesser men to madness, but Sponby was no lesser man.

Insano absorbed everything he could into his void, including Sponby. Sponby escaped, but the damage had already been done; Insano had gained a significant portion of Sponby's power.

FIGHT IT OUT

Sponby absorbed the planet they were on. Insano fled to another universe. Sponby extended his shadow aura and absorbed the nearest few galaxies, directing all of their energy into a Big Bang pointed at Insano's universe.

Insano absorbed all of that energy, and threw it right back. Sponby absorbed that, but rather than throwing it back, he kept it, using it to extend his aura.

"Ha ha!" Insano said. "Fool!"

"I'll fucking kill you!" Sponby said. His aura kept growing; stars, galaxies, quasars, clusters, black holes... and eventually, the universe itself was absorbed into his body.. Sponby condensed all of that energy within himself, using it to capture Insano.

But Insano had absorbed a universe too, and he escaped. They started flinging abhorrently powerful beams of energy at each other, wrecking everything in their path. Hundreds of thousands of Spoonts, Archetypes and even several hundred Great Machine Forces all teamed up to try and stop them, but they were as ants against these two gods; all of them were destroyed in the crossfire.

Sponby conjured an existensword, made from the power of multiple universes, and cut up Insano into trillions of pieces. But each piece contained the power of Insano, and quickly absorbed the universes they landed in before coming together.

Sponby had to speed up his absorption to keep up with Insano. They kept throwing more energy beams at each other, though at this point, neither combatant had the sheer power needed to completely eradicate the other...

...but Sponby had a plan. He fired a huge tendril at Insano, draining his power. Insano, hitting himself for not thinking of that before, did the same. But they were still absorbing universes like a kid eating chips.

"Enough of this!" Insano said. He gathered all of the energy and fired it at Sponby; Sponby absorbed the blow, but the energy ripped space and time, opening a portal to the nether realms where elder things lie sleeping but alive. The elder things rushed from the rip in their world into the multiverse, but even they were scared by the two beings doing battle with the fabric of reality.

Sponby absorbed all of the elder things, turning them into a giant sandwich made of evil and death. But not even that could kill Insano. Insano dragged Sponby to the backyard and impaled him with a lawn dart, but Sponby countered by hitting him with nunchucks, which Insano countered by running him over with a bike, which Sponby countered by running him over with a car, which Insano countered by grabbing a knife and stabbing him, which Sponby countered by eating spinach and going all Popeye on his ass, which Insano countered with sciency finger lightning, which Sponby countered with a gunblade, which Insano countered with an asteroid, which Sponby countered by dodging, which Insano countered by destroying Earth, which Sponby countered by expending a Force point to recreate Earth, which Insano countered by building a death ray on the moon and firing it at Sponby, which Sponby countered by focusing sunlight into a giant death beam that blew up the moon, which Insano countered by creating a fake moon and turning into a giant monkey, which Sponby countered by cutting off his tail, which Insano countered with a Destructo Disk that chopped Sponby in half, which Sponby countered by regenerating, which Insano countered with Warmech, which Sponby countered with Shinryu, which Insano countered with Ruby Weapon, which Sponby countered with Yiazmat, which Insano countered with Pandemonium Warden, which Sponby countered with Abyssion, which Insano countered with every Persona boss, which Sponby countered with every single Pokemon at level 100 and at max IVs, which Insano countered by flipping the table, which Sponby countered by cutting up Chaos Orb and sprinkling it all over Insano's cards, which Insano countered by playing Polymerization and fusing Alakazam and Angry Mob and creating Sheogorath, which Sponby countered with Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem, which Insano countered with Chtulhu Tech, which Sponby countered with Shinji and Warhammer40K, which Insano countered with Locoroco, which Sponby countered with a Giga Shining Chain Rocket Goldion Gekigan Progressive Tachikoma Blazing Sexy Falcon Infinity Gem Buster Prism Hadokamehame PAAAAAAAAWNCH, which Sponby countered by absorbing it, which Insano countered with a man without a body, which Sponby countered with a Chuggaconroy, which Insano countered with twenty Gundams welded together, which Sponby countered with Sponby, which Insano countered with Insano, which Spoont countered by exploding, which Insano countered by distracting Sponby with Zombie Oreo, which Sponby countered by saying "Fuck, this is getting annoying!" Insano agreed.

END

By this point, Sponby and Insano had absorbed every last bit of energy in the multiverse. All that was left were the two beings, who each contained half of the total energy in the multiverse. Both were madly trying to gain an edge on one another by absorbing energy from one another, or flinging around universe-busting energy beams, or trying to flirt with one another.

But it was pointless. They were the only things left, and their fight would be eternal.

"Wait!" Insano said. He looked up. "I... do you feel that?"

"Yeah, I do." Sponby had become aware of it a long time ago. Was it the fourth wall? Barriers between... multiverses? Or was it something else?

A door of light opened up between them. Insano entered first, but as soon as he passed through, he was completely annihilated. Sponby absorbed the surge of energy coming from it.

He was finally complete.

Sponby ascended beyond the world of fanfiction.


End file.
